SXSW Hipsters Suddenly Concerned About Drunk Driving

At last count, two people are dead and nearly two dozen are injured as the result of some jerkoff drunk driver crashing through barricades and plowing through a crowd at the SXSW festival in Austin.

I’ve always said that if your bag is to get morally outraged about things, it makes more sense to direct your keening, preening screaming at things that cause the most quantifiable damage—which is precisely why I have zero pity for drunk drivers.

“Dude, like, chill the frick out,” the shit-breathed inebriate will lecture me while trying to hug me. “It’s only alcohol. Everyone, like, der, drinks alcohol. Why the hate?”

Okey-dokey, then, if “hate” is what gets you riled, let’s see what actually kills human beings in the largest numbers.

If “racism” upsets you, the Tuskegee Institute estimates that from 1882-1968, a total of 3,446 blacks were lynched in America. Kindly discount the 1,297 whites that were lynched during this same period, because no one cares about them.

If “misogyny” makes you cry, government stats suggest that roughly 1,640 women are murdered every year by their male partners. Again, don’t worry about the 700 or so men slain by chicks every year, because they clearly don’t count.

If “homophobia” makes you want to castrate all breeders and force them to gnaw on their procreative organs, the gay-as-sprig-of-holly-on-a-pink-lapel website towleroad.com claims there are, on average, around two dozen anti-gay homicides yearly, and that’s being generous.

So adding up ALL black lynching victims throughout American history, plus the average yearly female victims of “intimate partner” homicide, PLUS the total yearly average of anti-LGBTQPLDSTBQ murders, you get a grand total of 6,010 dead bodies. True, that’s not as high a body count as the 7,000 or so blacks who get killed in America by other blacks every year, but it’s nothing to sniff at.

But if you really want to compare apples with apples, the US Department of Justice claims there are, on average,seven hate-crime homicides per year. This includes all sorts of “bias” crimes, but let’s be extra-generous again and say they were all anti-black murders, even though they clearly weren’t.

So if you add up yearly deaths attributed to anti-female domestic violence, anti-gay animus, and anti-black racial hatred, you get a grand total of 1,671 deaths yearly in the USA.

OK, then.

That’s still not even close to the 10,228 people killed by drunk drivers in 2010. Based on that stat, drunk drivers kill 612% more people of so-called “hate crimes” do every year.

It’s to be assumed that the bulk of those victims are simply unfortunate bystanders or non-drunk drivers who got creamed by some asshole who couldn’t handle his hooch.

So where’s the outrage?

If people weren’t brainwashed tools, if they made any sense at all, they’d get far more upset at the very idea of drunk driving than they do at the idea of hate crimes, because drunk driving kills far more people, and I thought we were supposed to value every human life as equal, yes? Isn’t that the point of the dimwitted notion of equality? If every human life is equal, then count every human corpse as equal, too.

But you won’t do it, because you’re probably a drunk driver. In that case, I hope you plow into a tree while you’re plowed and at least spare everyone else while you become yet another statistic that hardly anyone cares about.