Penis Sizes Of World Religious Figures

Founding a major world religion can be difficult. But it has its perks, chief among them the groupies. Even rock musicians can’t moisten the ladies’ laps like someone who promises to plow them with the ol’ God Rod. But prophets tend to be arrogant and self-absorbed, and when they’re finished using the bodies of their willing female supplicants, they toss them in the garbage like a half-eaten tray of fish ‘n’ chips.

But now the God Groupies are having their revenge. A website called messiahs-exes.com is run by and dedicated to the women who’ve been used and then cast aside by prophets of the Lord. Through lively chat-room discussions and catty message boards, these women detail their sexual encounters with famous world religious figures. Their comments are often shocking, frequently graphic, and always honest.

Judging from the site’s thousands of postings, these men of God were busy li’l bumblebees with the ladies, up their with bedroom champs such as Wilt Chamberlain and Gene Simmons. By pooling together their comments, we’ve estimated each religious leader’s penis size. We’ve also provided three representative comments about each prophet’s lovemaking techniques.

Jesus

NAME:
Jesus

RELIGION:
Christianity

ESTIMATED PENIS SIZE:
5.5″ long x 1.5″ wide

COMMENTS:
“He was kinda cute, but he was totally clammy in bed….It took a while for him to get it up, and when he did, he shot it in about three seconds….He paid more attention to his apostles than he did to me. A nice guy, but I think he might be gay.”

Krishna

NAME:
Krishna

RELIGION:
Hinduism

ESTIMATED PENIS SIZE:
7″ long x 1.5″ wide

COMMENTS:
“The blue cock took a little getting used to….He smelled like curry, which was a total turnoff….I looked inside his asshole and saw the universe.”

Moses

NAME:
Moses

RELIGION:
Judaism

ESTIMATED PENIS SIZE:
5.75″ long x 2.5″ wide

COMMENTS:
“He was always commanding me to do stuff….I like men with facial hair, so I thought the beard was totally hot….He told me I have a ‘burning bush,’ which is the dumbest pickup line I ever heard.”

Buddha

NAME:
Buddha

RELIGION:
Buddhism

ESTIMATED PENIS SIZE:
4″ long x 1″ wide

COMMENTS:
“Dude was hung like a grain of rice….He sat there without moving and wanted me to do all the work….No wonder his religion is all about killing one’s desires, because that’s exactly the effect he had on me!”

Muhammad

NAME:
Muhammad

RELIGION:
Islam

ESTIMATED PENIS SIZE:
10″ long x 3″ wide

COMMENTS:
“He made me believe in the One True God, the one dangling between his legs….He was a bit of a player. I didn’t allow myself to trust him….Big dick, but I still didn’t get off. It was all about his pleasure, not mine. When I started moaning, he told me to cover my face and be quiet.”