Jeremy Eliahu

Phase 2: I should have watched Netflix instead.

One would assume that most people nowadays resort to texting over calling for setting up dates, but what actually is the superior move?

It’s true that the more time you spend at a hip coffee shop, the more romantically hopeless you’ll become.

1. The Glance and Nod

For your view and pleasure: the nine members of your group text.

“This Week is Nuts, but let’s shoot for next week.”

I’ve spoken with scientists—in other words, myself on four cups of coffee—and have discovered a handful of the most pertinent versions of Email Writer’s Block.

All said, I find Coachella stressful. I look at people doing weird things and I stress, I look at beautiful legs and I stress, chaotic crowds and I stress.

5. #YogaPants #WeHo

“With some new staff, we’re going through a little bit of a transition process.”

Note: If my happiness truly was my aim here, I’d probably just deactivate my account, but I’m not quite ready.

In one perspective, Facebook de-friendships have been going on for thousands of years — it’s one person’s final act, the last move to sting the other.

The first few engagements were pretty exciting to talk about, but now it’s starting to fuel a new channel of anxiety.

Whole Foods is the American Dream made real: The lunch of opportunity.

5. Apologize and say “So sorry, I just have to answer this real quick,” when needing to use your phone. But take as long as you would have, anyway.

Phase One: Where is Everybody?

The bar can be an uncomfortable place, especially when you have no idea what to say to people.

1. Go to Law School