‘S’ Is For Swallow: A Blow Job Alphabet

We’ve discussed the A to Z of sexting before, and you guys liked it so much I thought we should tackle another sexy topic- the blowjob. So many words have been spilled about this (sometimes) simple sexual practice, but as a certified blowjob pro I think my words carry just a liiiiiitle more weight.

A is for Alcohol

Don’t drink too much pre-blowjob because you might vomit on his dick. I’m just saying this might have happened to someone I know … someone who may or may not be me. Booze-heavy nights out and BJs don’t mix!

B is for Breath Control

There’s a reason they call a blowjob a job. You have to figure out how to breathe, when to swallow and how not to gag when you deep throat. It’s work!

C is for “Can I Have a Blowjob?”

Which is what he’s going to ask you for the rest of your life if he’s into your technique.

D is for Deep Throating

Practice makes perfect!

E is for Eye Contact

Make it. Porn basically primed men to require eye contact while you’re doing the job.

F is for Fun

Sometimes, blowjobs are a chore. I totally get that. But they’re also a fun opportunity to practice your skills and make your dude freak out. Act like you’re having a great time (or actually enjoy it yourself!) and it’ll enhance the experience for both of you.

G is for Grip

A tight-ish one is best. Make a fist around the base of the dick and move it up and down just a little in time with your sucking. Easy-peasy and works like a charm.

H is for Hands

Use them! Don’t just suck and lick the dick; add a little grip with one of your hands and try different movements to mix things up.

I is for Ice Cream

It’s a stupid women’s magazine trick, but pretending that dude’s cock is an ice cream cone you just can’t get enough of works every time.

J is for Jerking Off

I once fooled around with a dude who could only cum if you blended a blowjob and a handjob – like, just good ol’ junior high jerking off. It was not my ideal situation, of course, but he was really into it and the contrast between a warm, wet blowjob and then a handjob really worked for him. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it!

K is for Know Your Zones

It’s not all about the dick, you know. Pay attention to the balls, to that little spot where the head meets the shaft, to the “taint” area (ew, I hate that word) and please the whole crowd!

L is for Lubrication

Get the good spit way back in your throat because its thick consistency lubes everything up so much better.


M is for Main Event

I usually prefer to keep the blowjob strictly in the foreplay section of sex, but sometimes it’s fun to get down on my knees and surprise a dude with a middle-of-the-day, no strings attached blowjob.

N is for No Rushing

A slow, teasing blowjob just enhances the excitement and pleasure.

O is for Orgasm, duh

Some dudes can bust in a few minutes from a good beej and others take awhile. Some prefer it as foreplay and others just really want a BJ. Whatever floats your boat.

P is for Pre-Cum

Don’t be surprised to see a pearly little bead of pre-cum when you’re giving a great BJ! I think pre-cum is sexy, and when it happens during a BJ I just flick it with my tongue.

Q is for Quote

“If we perpetually gave men blowjobs, we could rule the world.” –Samantha, Sex and the City

R is for Return the Favor

If you go down on him for an extended period of time and give him a deliciously good BJ, he needs to return the favor for you! If he doesn’t, withhold the blow.

S is for Spit or Swallow?

I don’t know anyone who spits out jizz post-blowjob orgasm. Do you? I’ve always swallowed.

T is for Teeth

Be careful you don’t slice up the soft, sensitive skin of a dick with your molars! Usually, dudes can deal with a little scraping and if they whine about it, they’re probably being a baby. Some guys even like a little tooth action. Just be careful.

U is for Unique

Do your thing! Don’t just go through the same boring motions over and over, even if they are effective. Mix it up and try new things to put your own sexy little twist on a blowjob.

V is for Vibration

It’s basically proven that guys like it when you hum a little bit while you’re blowing them. You can even use your vibrator on a low setting on their balls.

W is for What Not to Do

Don’t suck or lick on the head of his dick right after he cums. It’s a little too sensitive immediately post-orgasm and it might hurt.

X is for X-plore

I’m just saying that dudes really like butt stuff. I’m JUST SAYING that sometimes a little rimjob enhances the blowjob!

Y is for You’re Doing Just Fine

I’ll never forget my first blowjob. I was 16 or so and though I’d read a ton of Cosmo articles about BJs, I didn’t actually know how to give one. You just gotta go for it and listen to how the dude is reacting, then change things up based on that. You can do it! I have faith in you! Most dudes would say any blowjob is better than no blowjob.

Z is for Zzzzzz

Which is what men tend to do after they have a really good orgasm. Which you provided. If you’re annoyed with your boyfriend and want him to shut up and take a nap one afternoon, give him a blowjob and then he’ll pass out.