I Got A New Vibrator And Now All I Want To Do Is Have Orgasms

It may come of some surprise to you that I, Jillian Paulson, a girl with a healthy appetite for orgasms whether or not they come from dudes, fingers or whatever, did not own a vibrator.

Wait, I take that back. I did own one, but it was a cheapo $20 thing that putt-putt-putted out way too fast and never really had me howling or writhing around the way it claimed to. It was fine. Wait … that sounds like a dude. But this time I am actually referring to a small piece of electronica. I still have it, but it never gets used.

I’m good at getting myself off with my hand and a fantasy, and I’m good at helping dudes get me off, but a girl gets bored.

I wanted something else, something I could get off with right quick or whip out when fooling around with my favorite hookup partner, who loves to do nothing more than get me off as many times as he can. I’m bragging, yes, but that dude needs a medal. I’d batted around the idea of a Rabbit (how very Charlotte) or a Magic Wand (terrifyingly huge, but recommended) before a cool-girl blogger or two mentioned the Jimmyjane Form 2.

The Form 2 comes with a hefty price tag, but it also comes with a hot hitlist of benefits. For one, it charges with a USB and not a battery. It’s 2015 and I don’t have a TV – WTF do I own that has batteries? Pretty much nothing. Number two – waterproof. I am an avid bather who has lately been having a lot of shower sex, so this was a big benefit for me. Plus, the thing looks adorable. It’s like a cute arty toy that some graphic designer dude has on his desk or something. I could for sure leave it out and my landlord wouldn’t be like, “Whoa, this girl has a dildo just chillin’ in her living room!”

Oh, and it comes with incredible ratings. The Form 2 has four vibration patterns and five different speeds for each, so you can customize it to what you wanna get off with. People say things like, “This is the best vibrator you could own!” or “It isn’t a home run – it’s a grand slam.” And I’m a girl who likes the finer things in life, so when Jimmyjane offered 20% off their site for the month of June, I went for it and snapped one up. Of course I chose pink, though it also comes in black.

Someone who writes about money could refer to this as an investment piece, but I don’t – I write about sex, and so I call this an absolutely-necessary-to-live purchase. I ordered my Form 2, charged it up on its cute little charger and went to town. I came in three minutes using the second setting on its second-to-highest speed. That may be a record for me. It was like, “OK, let’s do this” and Form 2 replied, “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing” and actually delivered. I pretty much set it to my clit over my panties and it gave me a sick, fluttery long-lasting orgasm.

Using the Form 2 is pretty easy despite its unique appearance. The little “ears” can be pinched and squeezed to your liking. This vibrator is like the perfect lover: it cares about what YOU want and adapts to get you there. I wish there were more men like that. You can do a low, slow rumbly vibe or a zippy, teasing quick one. You can do the old-school hardcore buzz if that’s what makes you crazy. It really does it all. The box even says that the Form 2 aims to “surround you in sensation.” Helpful hint: It does this best in the bathtub.

My dudes have been looking at the thing kind of quizzically, the way dudes often do. They’re like, “Well, she loves this thing and that’s hot, but does she like it more than me? Is this thing competition? How does this thing even WORK?” This is a benefit, though, because there’s nothing a dude likes more than watching a girl get herself off. And with the Form 2, literally all I want to do is have orgasms. Orgasms are the key to happiness and beauty, don’t you agree? If we all had 50% more orgasms, we’d be a happier society. Thanks to the Form 2, I can stay in my house and orgasm for hours.