Jillian Harding

Online dating reaches peak thirst levels

Claire will not abide thirst.

Needless to say, this episode is still a big fat half-hour of nope.

“I’m not a solution to your problems. I’m another problem.”

Try to stop being such a flake.

Making decisions or having traits that don’t sit well with everyone in the general population doesn’t make you less of a woman, or less of a man, or less of a human being. It makes you independent. It makes you indefinable. And that’s the best thing you can be.

I will always love you because I don’t have a choice. When you wait your entire life for something, and that thing finally happens to you, you don’t just give it up.

Salad needs dressing like Ashanti needed Ja Rule. They just work so well together. Light dressing is like Ja Rule sans Ashanti. Imagine “Always On Time” without Ashanti. That’s what light dressing tastes like.

Knowing what you deserve is the hardest part. Admitting what you want is the second hardest. It’s okay to think you deserve everything. In fact, you should think this way. You should want all the things.

Dear Liam, I know who you are. I know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have is a very particular set of skills.

When you’re scrolling through potential matches on OK Cupid and you start singing “Do You Want To Be My Boyfriend?” to the tune of “Do You Want To Build A Snowman?” from Frozen, you need to take a few steps back.

No one believes you meant to plate blue mashed potatoes to incorporate a sense of whimsy. Just take your culinary beating over your plate of Smurf puree, and move on.