This Is Goodbye (And I’m Not Sorry)

I wish I could say I’m sorry. That’s what I’m supposed to say next, right? It’s humane, it’s polite, it’s an attempt to make you feel better as I set my foot into freedom and walk away.

But the truth is, I’m not.

I’m not sorry, because admit it, you’re not really going to feel hurt about this. You will only say you are because it’s humane, it’s polite, and it’s an attempt to make me feel better as I walk away.

But you’re not really hurt, are you? You’re relieved.

I bet you’ve even been waiting for this time to finally come.

And finally, it has come. We’ve come to a dead end. And this is me letting go.

And trust me when I say that this time, there’s no coming back.

Goodbye, I’m not sorry.

God that feels good.

I’m not sorry for putting myself out of this misery of falling in love with you, because you were never going to love me back.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to invalidate the many times you said it. You said it, and I heard it—over and over. And they all made me smile and warm until they couldn’t anymore because I only ever heard it. I never saw it. I never felt it.

And this time I’m choosing to go for someone who can make me feel it even without the need to say it.

I’m not sorry for finally falling deaf from your excuses and your attempts at keeping me because you think you need me, when all it actually just means is you need me when it’s convenient, or when you’re down, or when you need some ego boost. I won’t be there anymore, because the more I try to push you up, the more I feel pulled down, and it’s about time I push myself up. And I’m putting an end to the many, many lists of reasons why I shouldn’t be walking away from you, because I have finally seen that one reason why I should.

I’m going to take my time feeling sorry for myself, because I’m not gonna lie, this is gonna hurt for a while, but I didn’t deserve any of this. You didn’t deserve me. And this is me pushing myself up.

I’m not sorry, and I don’t think I will ever be, and that feels so fucking great.

So, this is goodbye and I’m not sorry.