Jessie Rosen

So it’s been a week since he left you at your doorstep with an, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” and all you want to do is give that jerk a piece of your mind. Feel free to let loose on his rude self if it makes you feel better, but know that all he’s doing with that text/ voicemail/ e-mail is rolling his eyes, and calling you crazy.

The woman squirted a warm, blue gel onto my boob, and proceeded to rub one of those x-ray sticks they use to tell pregnant women if they’re having a boy or a girl all around my chest. I did not laugh even though it tickled like crazy. She then lingered around several areas of the boob and took what I believe were photos based on a camera-like clicking sound.

If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would really like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop.

They seem like they’re into you — on even days, most holidays and when the moon is waning — but on the odd, typical and waxing days, they’re nowhere to be found. Elusive. Vague. Slightly mysterious. Generally attractive. You’d say they’re totally leading you on, except that would be admitting they’re doing anything at all.

The Oregon Trail — the cult-classic computer game from our collective youth. Within this pixilated trip from Independence Missouri to that valley with a name no one could say, (Wil-a-mett-ey? Wh-eel-met? Or was it the French Weel-may?) lies the greatest indicator of how a man will function as your mate.

I think the “I love you” is wildly important, which is why the idea of it as a pawn in the battle of who holds the cards in the relationship rubbed me the wrong way. At first…

It may feel mutual, look mutual, and be hailed as mutual to everyone you tell, but the truth is that someone in the relationship wanted the break up more than the other person. There may be an agreement that things aren’t working, but no one wants to be the person to come to that decision a day later than the other.

Cliche as it is, there’s something about the whole thrill of the challenge. Weak girls go for jerks because they like attention. Strong girls go for jerks because they like “the “game.

Yes, modern times have made it acceptable and common to handle things the quick and easy way, but for certain people, acceptable and common is not enough. Take one minute out of your life and let your really close friend know you’re happy they were born.

What do you have to lose? The answer is: the cost of 1-3 beers, pride (if you happen to run into an ex), and time if it doesn’t work out.

There will come a time when you will be faced with whether or not to send a follow-up email to someone you thought you hit it off with, subsequently emailed and have not hear back from since. Here are your options….

She may have smoked crack, screwed Clive Davis and stayed with Bobby Brown for an insanely long time, but the fact clearly remains: Whitney Houston is our poet laureate.