Jessica Winters

“I hate that I wasn’t the first guy to kiss you.”

“I’m now—much to my husband’s frustrations—earning more money than him. There is hope out there!”

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
—Marilyn Monroe

“My girlfriend’s best friend is like her conjoined twin—they are joined at the hip and we literally can’t go anywhere without her best friend tagging along like a desperate puppy.”

“If you want to date me, you’re agreeing to ‘date’ my pets, too.”

“I am eroding his self-confidence.”

“Novelty napkins make me happier than they should….I like throw pillows. A lot….My nails always have to be painted….”

“It was just my luck to fall in love at first sight with a beautiful blonde girl with a mouth like a truck driver and who smoked like a chimney.”

“Unlike my mom, I married a woman.”

“I gave up a cat that I loved for a girl that I’m not even sure is allergic to cats.”

“When I’m inside a bedroom, I want the guy to throw me around like I’m a dirty little rag doll.”

“I always want to give them a taste of their own medicine.”