27 Inspirational Tips For Those Who’ve Almost Given Up On Trying To Find True Love
“Stop trying so hard. Spend some time focusing on yourself and don't shy away from developing friendships. The saying ‘it comes when you least expect it’ was very true in my experience.”
1. Stop looking for the right person and be the right person.
“Stop looking for the right person and be the right person.”
2. Get away from any toxic people in your life.
“Get away from any toxic people in your life. Often the people around you are keeping you down.”
3. Just fucking ask the person out.
“Just fucking ask the person out. It will NEVER happen if you don’t.”
4. Focus on yourself first.
“Be patient. Focus on yourself first. I was in a bad way when I was sure that I’d never find someone, so I decided to stop looking altogether and just focus on working on me. I had problems, I needed to solve my problems, and I invested in a lot of good time fixing myself up. By the time I felt half-decent again, I was falling for my best friend, and things just went from there.”
5. Don’t rush into a relationship with the wrong person just because you’re lonely.
“Don’t beat yourself up because you aren’t with someone now. Don’t rush into a relationship with the wrong person just because you’re lonely. Don’t try to evaluate literally every person you meet as a potential partner.
And if you screw up and do all these things, don’t give up hope. I made every one of those mistakes, but it turned out okay anyway.”
6. Instead of being interesting, try to be interested.
“Be patient; also instead of being interesting, try to be interested.”
7. Work on yourself and maybe people will look for you instead.
“You could spend time outside trying to invite people to your shoddy house, or you could spend time inside renovating that house into a comfortable home.
Stop putting too much emphasis on the search. Work on yourself and maybe people will look for you instead.
Worst case scenario: You find no one, but spend time alone in a renovated, comfortable home.”
8. Stop trying so hard.
“Stop trying so hard. Spend some time focusing on yourself and don’t shy away from developing friendships. The saying ‘it comes when you least expect it’ was very true in my experience.”
9. Focus on yourself first.
“Be patient. Focus on yourself first. I was in a bad way when I was sure that I’d never find someone, so I decided to stop looking altogether and just focus on working on me. I had problems, I needed to solve my problems, and I invested in a lot of good time fixing myself up. By the time I felt half-decent again, I was falling for my best friend, and things just went from there.”
10. Put yourself out there; what do you have to lose?
“Personally I think the whole ‘you’ll find someone when you aren’t looking’ is wrong most of the time. Don’t close yourself off, ask friends to set you up, flirt, you can send out vibes that you are open to others. Put yourself out there; what do you have to lose?
Oh also, don’t go for the person who you’re crazy attracted to the first time you meet them and then try to get too close too fast. IMO that doesn’t work.”
11. Sometimes you just have to wait.
“I’ve been reading a lot of these replies and everyone has been saying like ‘love yourself,’ ‘don’t try so hard,’ and I can’t really relate.
I didn’t date or kiss anyone until I was 23 (which led to extremely low self-esteem) and got extremely lucky when I met my SO, whom I’ve been with for 8 years. My suggestion is this:
Sometimes you just have to wait. It’s not that you’re not lovable or don’t deserve love, it just means there are too many people on this earth and finding one that’s perfect for you will take a while. Don’t just settle with anyone because you’re desperate to have any sort of connection, hold onto your ideals.”
12. Talk to everyone.
“Talk to everyone. You can’t meet anyone special if you don’t meet anyone.
Be honest though it hurts, because there’s no point in lying if you want a history together.
Keep trying. Having lost my wife, my job, my savings, my health, my life, and my entire social circle, I know that one can come back from homeless destitution to success, if you will simply take each day as it comes, and face the challenges you are presented with to the best of your ability.
The universe gives us nothing we cannot endure, but we must do so courageously, and with all our heart.”
13. Live your life as if you’ll always be single, but make it a GOOD life.
“You can’t control love. Live your life as if you’ll always be single, but make it a GOOD life. Keep yourself healthy, productive, relatively sane, and financially sound. Don’t make finding a partner the focus of your life.
This worked for me and it was worth the wait! Sucks living in a city where my gender vastly outnumbers the other.”
14. Go places where you’re outnumbered by the opposite sex.
“I worked on looking more attractive by working out. I also learned a bit about interpersonal communication (one of the most useful community college classes I’ve taken). Also renewed my interest in hobbies that weren’t video games. Finally, I took a trip where it happened that I was outnumbered by girls 5-1, and that’s how I met my girlfriend.”
15. Just stop looking and focus on yourself.
“Give up. Seriously. Just stop looking and focus on yourself. Join a gym, take a class, start a hobby. When you build yourself up, you put off an air of confidence that draws people to you.”
16. Go do something you’ve never done before.
“Get out of the bars, the clubs, the stupid party scene. Go do something you’ve never done before. You just never know who you’ll meet. :)”
17. Be happy with who you are.
“Be happy with who you are. Try and be the best YOU that you can be! That might include losing weight, taking better care of your hair, learning to dress nicer, etc. You don’t need to change who you are at your core to do any of these changes and you will feel better for having done them. Never stop trying to improve, either. (Don’t make it an awkward, unhealthy obsession, either.)
And know that you’re worth it. Someone else will hopefully see that.
You can go looking for a partner (dating sites or in person) or you can just be going about your day and it just happens. Let it be natural and don’t try and force anything.
There’s someone out there who enjoys your silly quirks and you’ll love theirs. Now you can just only hope that you meet!”
18. Be patient. If you don’t want to be patient, make a move.
“Be patient. If you don’t want to be patient, make a move.
The girl I’m seeing had been dropping hints for a few months (apparently). We were good friends and both of us had the thought of “I really like this person, but I’d rather have them as a friend than make a move, have them not reciprocate the feelings, and not be friends anymore.” I was looking for hints that she was into me (unsuccessfully). Luckily for both of us, she decided to make a move one night while drunk about a month ago.”
19. Love. Yourself. And stop looking for it.
“Love. Yourself. And stop looking for it.
I absolutely hated myself. To be honest I can’t even believe the level of self-hatred I had back then. I never said a word about it to anyone, but it showed.
Think of what you want someone to love you for. You’re not gonna want them to love you for vanity or for loathing. You’re gonna want them to love you for YOU. and they can’t do that if there’s nothing good about you—and they can’t find what’s good about you if you don’t show them.
My boyfriend fell in love with me the day I offered to take him horseback riding when he hadn’t been in a while. I wasn’t looking for any type of relationship. I was focusing on college. But he was a good friend and i had the ability to give him something he wanted at no cost to me. So we laughed. And had fun. And I feel the best in the saddle. And because of college and how I was progressing and feeling good about myself I looked confident.
People will love you for you, that’s true; but what they’re going to see in a positive light are the things they want in themselves. Everyone wants to be confident and happy. If you find a way to be confident and happy in your day to day life, people will begin to look at you, because confident and happy people make people confident and happy. And when they look—really look—they’re going to fall in love with all the other details; the way the sun dances off your eyes and makes your skin glow, the way you smile that crooked smile, the way you laugh and the way you absolutely love that thing you love.
I hated myself for years and it showed. It made me impossible to love. I drove people away just by the vibe I put out there. But when my boyfriend told me about that moment while we were riding, he could tell me the whole thing—every moment, and how things felt right. Because I wasn’t hating myself in that moment. I wasn’t some self-hating child. Love yourself. The rest will follow.”
20. Try something new, build confidence, meet different people, and create new stories through your experience.
“Find ways to make your life more interesting. Don’t do it to impress anyone else. Do it for yourself. Cultivate interesting hobbies. I took up Irish Set Dancing after being heartbroken; friends of mine recovered from divorces by mountain climbing, earning a skydiving license, and international travel.
The key is to try something new, build confidence, meet different people, and create new stories through your experience. This builds confidence, helps you discover more about who you are, and possibly will impress a potential romantic partner. People are attracted to others with varied interests and genuine enthusiasm for what they do. Being caught up in heartache and loneliness will repel potential partners.
Expressing who you are through what you do will make you feel better about yourself. This will make you more attractive to people. A romantic partner should augment your life not be what defines you.”
21. Whatever you do, DON’T SETTLE!!!
“Whatever you do, DON’T SETTLE!!! Be patient, enjoy your life and like yourself. If you don’t like you, how do you expect others to like you? I didn’t find my soulmate till I was 46. I had resigned myself to the fact that I might never find “my true love,” and I was okay with that. I had great friends, traveled for fun, had a good job, was financially stable, etc. I still kept dating, and it took one date with my (now) husband to know he was THE ONE. You’ll know it and feel it when it is right. All I can say is that when I was with him, I felt like I was ‘home.’ By the second date, we both knew we would be together for the rest of our lives. We got engaged exactly two months after we met, and have been married for almost seven years.”
22. Do interesting things. If you do interesting things you meet interesting people.
“Hey, that’s me! Didn’t date for 10 years and figured ‘whelp, this is my life I guess.’ I decided to start rock climbing at 40 and wound up getting married. Been married for 11 years and it just keeps getting better. I would say:
1) Do interesting things. If you do interesting things you meet interesting people, and coincidentally you become an interesting person other people meet. What’s interesting? Fuck if I know. Slightly scary, massively challenging, constantly being pushed out of your comfort zone would be a good starting point.
2) Do stuff that forces you to meet new people or spend time with people you know in new ways. If you don’t meet new people or change how you know people you aren’t going to date anyone. It could be stuff from #1 but doesn’t have to be.
3) Be someone worth dating. Stop looking like a shlump; lose some weight (or gain some muscle), dress like you give a damn. It’s basic stuff but easy to let go of when you stop trying.”
23. Wait until you find someone you can actually see a future with.
“Don’t force something that you know in your heart isn’t there. Wait until you find someone you can actually see a future with before getting serious.”
24. Don’t stop hoping, and go out and do things for YOU, not for anyone else.
“This is going to sound incredibly cliché, but don’t stop hoping, and go out and do things for YOU, not for anyone else. Be happy alone before depending on someone else for happiness. Then you’ll have room for the right person in your life.”
25. Get to know who you are and accept it.
“Do a lot of self-reflection. Get to know who you are and accept it. Then work toward changing anything you don’t like in any department. Learn to love yourself. Once you can accept and love who YOU are, you can worry about loving and accepting someone else. If you don’t like who you are, why would anyone else?
This works really well towards the second point of don’t throw yourself at the first person to give you attention. Be reserved in who you trust, at least in the beginning. I’ve seen way to many of my friends who are desperate to be in a relationship stay in something abusive just because they don’t think they’re worth anything better or that someone who will treat them right will come along. But once someone has proven trust worthy, trust them whole heartedly. Hold nothing back. If you get burned, at least you have more life experience now.
Also, learn to be by yourself. Everyone in every relationship will eventually need alone time and space to do their own thing. Master this skill early and while it’s easy to have alone time.
Once you know who you are and you’re okay with being alone you’ll put off a confident vibe that’s really attractive to a lot of people. The right one will come along, because you know who you are and won’t settle for anything less than the right person. You don’t have to fake a personality or interests to be with someone who’s right for you and accepting who you are will help you be more genuine and true to yourself allowing you to make real connections with people on a fundamental level and provide a great foundation for long lasting relationship happiness.”
26. Be kind to yourself.
“My number one rule is to be kind to yourself. Don’t waste one minute thinking that you’re silly for wanting love or that you don’t deserve it. Be sure about what you want in a partner and if you’re still not clear take it easy, spend some time learning more about yourself. Also, be sure about your weaknesses, things that you would negate yourself worth for (usually sex). We’ve all been there. When it comes to actually meeting somebody self-confidence is definitely not as important as knowing what you bring to the table, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. In a similar vein, be certain about what kinda partner you want. When I was still single/dating, I met a LOT of fuckboys enough that I ended up writing a really practical list of things that were non-negotiable in a partner. That was really useful. Even now I still check up on it to make sure that my bf still lines up with these ideas.”
27. Work on your passions, go out, travel, get comfortable with yourself and with being alone and doing everything also alone.
“Be happy with yourself and arrange yourself with the fact that you might indeed never find a romantic partner. We are so brainwashed into believing that we only can be truly happy with a partner and although I agree that life is better with a partner it is also very good without one.
Work on your passions, go out, travel, get comfortable with yourself and with being alone and doing everything also alone. Get a dog or a cat or work at an animal shelter to substitute the need to be needed. Find your tribe. Don’t wait for a Partner to ‘save’ you and don’t be judgmental, don’t assume your partner has to be perfect. Take every chance to get to know people even if you are not interested in them romantically, you never know if there is something more to a person.
Free yourself of the thought that there is something wrong with you because you can’t find a partner, that is utterly bullshit. Life is complicated and humans are complicated and our deranged society does not make it easier to find love.
This way you already have a plan b, life is most of the time not how we wanted it to be and if you find a partner or he finds you, you will be much more secure and comfortable in your relationship and you will not hang on to a poisonous relationship if you know you can master your life on your own.
Don’t be afraid. You got this.”
