25 People On Whether It’s Ever OK To Talk About Exes With Your New Significant Other
1. Talking about exes is bad, y’all!
“Last night I went on a Craigslist date, y’all!
It started out good, at his place. We had a drink, and it was fun…and then I started talking about my ex while he was starting to get randy. I started to cry. This wasn’t good at all, y’all.
Anyway, nothing ended up happening. I left with my pride busted and my mascara running.
My conclusion? Talking about exes is bad, y’all!”
2. They talk about their exes because they haven’t gotten over them.
“They talk about their exes because they haven’t gotten over them. They are only fooling themselves into thinking they did. If it becomes a habit, get away from them quickly as possible.”
3. As long as she doesn’t talk about his GIANT throbbing member, it’s OK.
“If she wanted to discuss past relationships and why they failed, and give me some insight into potential mistakes to avoid then I would be fine with that.
If she wants to tell me all about his GIANT throbbing member and how he was the only man to ever give her multiple orgasms then I am probably not going to be receptive to that conversation.”
4. I’m open about my past, but it’s not gonna be like word vomit.
“I wouldn’t bring it up, but if my date asks, I’ll answer their questions. I’m open about my past, but it’s not gonna be like word vomit.”
5. I feel that if you’re completely over an ex you won’t be thinking of them at all when you are talking to a new person.
“I feel that if you’re completely over an ex you won’t be thinking of them at all when you are talking to a new person, which means you won’t mention them at all. If someone new starts talking about an ex in the first few dates, well, that’s a problem. I feel that they are not over their ex and that’s not a quality that I want in a person I am dating.
Sure, the ex conversation happens and I’m not opposed to talking about it, but that should happen further down the road. In the first few weeks of dating you should be getting to know the other person and vice-versa…not talking about the past. So if any guy starts talking about his ex it’s my cue to look for the door.”
—Amy
6. The worst mistake a date can make with me is talking about ex-husbands.
“The worst mistake a date can make with me is talking about ex-husbands. It tends to make me go for a whizz and duck out the back door. And when I mention that bothers me, they do it anyway. ”
7. He had been divorced 11 years and kept talking about his ex.
“Men do it to and it is such a bore…yawn…..
They have unresolved issues or are not fit to date as you should be the focal point of the meeting.
I dated one that went on and on over a dinner about his ex and how she did him wrong. I asked if he was sure it wasn’t to soon for him to be dating as you talk about your ex a lot.
He had been divorced 11 years…gawd talk about unfit to date. LOL”
8. I’ve never bought into that ‘never talk about your ex’ crap.
“I’ve never bought into that ‘never talk about your ex’ crap. Either you’re a well-adjusted adult who’s moved on and can see the good and the bad clearly in your past relationships, or you’re holding onto anger, bitterness, distrust, blame etc. and need to resolve your issues before you get into another relationship.”
9. It’s a shit-test plain and simple.
“To all the girls: Men couldn’t care less about your ex bfs. Don’t talk about them unless you want to be froze out or get the subject changed. Doesn’t matter if you’re trying to make them jealous or tell them what not to do later because we won’t listen and just get irritated….
It’s a shit-test plain and simple. Every time I dated a girl and she started talking about her ex I completely ignored it and changed the subject or just stopped talking until they did. Being her new bf has nothing to do with the past and brining it up is completely useless and wasted energy. The guy has most of the power in the relationship so just don’t let her talk about it.”
10. Never bring up exes (even if asked).
“First things first, never bring up exes (even if asked). If there’s a chance of sparking too much emotion, especially crying, refrain.”
11. You do not want to harp over some chick that did you wrong months ago.
“ Never bring up exes. If she brings them up, give her short and sweet answers. You do not want to harp over some chick that did you wrong months ago. It’ll make you seem like you aren’t over that other girl. Secondly, no new chick wants to be the shoulder to cry on over some old girl. Keep this crap to yourself.”
12. On a first date you should NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER bring up exes.
“We all have a history with exes; some we ended on good terms with, and some we never want to talk to again. But on a first date you should NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER bring up exes. Trust me, the girl doesn’t want to hear about them. The problem is, if you start talking about an ex-girlfriend on the first date, she will immediately feel that you’re still attached, and you don’t want that at all.”
13. They don’t need to know that Bobby from the tenth grade stole your money!
“Oh I believe in opening up, but I never bring up exes. You can just as easy say what you will and will not tolerate. They don’t need to know that Bobby from the tenth grade stole your money! :) ”
—Lor
14. Does he talk good about them? Then it’s good. Does he talk bad about them? Then it’s bad.
“It depends…
Does he talk good about them? Then it’s good. Does he talk bad about them? Then it’s bad.
Often people talk about their exes to make conversation. If it stays on the light side, nothing wrong with it, but it should not get vitriolic, then it’s no fun anymore.
Yeah, some talk too much because they are still attached, some don’t talk at all about their ex if still in love, and some want to vent their anger.
In general it’s disrespectful to talk in details about a past RL.”
15. My girlfriend will mention her exes from time to time and sometimes mention things that make me feel uncomfortable.
“I’m in a great relationship with only one minor complaint: my girlfriend will mention her exes from time to time and sometimes mention things that make me feel uncomfortable, such as gifts they exchanged and some of the physical aspects of their relationship. Considering that she and I took each other’s virginity, we have known each other more intimately than anyone else, which one would think would eliminate jealousy in that sense. I have told her that it makes me uncomfortable and upsets me when she mentions exes like this and she said she doesn’t mean to, but that it’s a habit, and she continues to do it.”
16. In general, there should not be much talk of an ex IMO.
“Depends on a lot of specifics. In general, there should not be much talk of an ex IMO.
On the flip side, if it is only occasional or innocent, or if she had a bad relationship and needs to vent as part of the healing process, try not to take it as offensive, either.
My wife had a very bad marriage, and has told me over the years nearly everything of her story. It was her way of venting, healing, and getting beyond it. I was comfortable with that because I knew where her heart was, and it honestly gave me insight into who she was, and how she has grown as a person from the experience. Not that I ‘enjoy’ the stories or anything, but see how she has made a positive out of such a negative, and grown as a person.”
17. I once dated someone who fondly spoke of her ex boyfriends and often compared me to them. This is not a good thing.
“It completely depends on the context. I once dated someone who fondly spoke of her ex boyfriends and often compared me to them. This is not a good thing. Now my wife and I talk about our exes from time to time. We learn from our experiences and sometimes it’s okay to share how we learned life’s lesson. In this context it’s okay, though I do think it can be unhealthy to spend too much time focusing on past mistakes and not on the good things you have here and now.”
18. Once I started feeling like her therapist, I called it the night and put her in a cab.
“See I went on a drinks date with a girl who brought up her ex numerous times. Finally I just decided to ask when she broke up with him, to which she said a week after a three-year relationship (I yelled OMG are you okay then?). Once I started feeling like her therapist, I called it the night and put her in a cab.”
19. I personally would rather keep what’s in the past…in the past.
“I’m a long-term relationship kind of person, and I’m only 19 so I wouldn’t have many ‘first dates’ to really talk about. But generally, with the guy I’m with right now, we had to talk about it. My ex left a lot of scars, both mental and physical and the guy I’m with now wanted to know everything about me. I wouldn’t talk about an ex unless it’s a story or until I’m told that its A-OK and that he didn’t care if I did. I personally would rather keep what’s in the past…in the past.”
20. You shouldn’t be talking about your ex in the first few dates.
“You shouldn’t be talking about your ex in the first few dates. Yeah, it kinda slips in at times, but NO! I think it would kinda threaten the other person and make them feel that you haven’t moved on.
What is the motivation for you talking about your ex? To prove that you had someone in your past who loved/liked you? Well, guess what? That person isn’t there anymore, so why should you bring it up? I guess the only way it’s acceptable is if there is something big around the ex, like being divorced or having kids or something that shouldn’t be hidden from the start.
I’m going to bring up my own past – one of my ex-boyfriends was divorced with kids and we talked about it on our first date – I just wanted to know a bit about the kids and by default the ex-wife was brought up. But I never got the feeling that he was still thinking about her while he was with me or that I was competing with some woman from his past – it was just the reality of his life that she was still involved. We dated for quite a while and during the time we were together I always felt like I was the center of his focus – that is except for Saturday night Adult Swim and his parties with his gamer friends. So there are times when it is acceptable, but generally no. NO NO NO NO!!”
21. Don’t bring up exes or gossipy topics.
“Don’t bring up exes or gossipy topics. You will make a much better first impression by being positive and not talking about any of your past relationship baggage right off the bat. If your date tries to ask too many questions on the topic, try steering the conversation back to the present, by asking him or her a few direct questions about something else. If that doesn’t work, there is nothing wrong with politely explaining that you think it is too early to dive into that topic.”
22. As long as they don’t bring them up in the bedroom, no big deal.
“As long as they don’t bring them up in the bedroom, no big deal…everyone has a past. As long as that past stays in the past, there’s no reason to feel threatened. Then again, there’s more than past relationships to talk about.”
—Mike
23. Talking about exes with great fondness is a turnoff.
“Talking about exes with great fondness is a turnoff. Certainly, the subject will come up, but never compare your ex with your present interest. Someone mentioned competing with the past, it’s hard enough competing with the present.
Later on, when we are getting serious, I would like to know more about my woman’s past, but not right away and not languishing about it. I also don’t like frequenting the same haunts your old lover and you used to enjoy. New relationship, new haunts.
I am going to make extraordinary effort not to do the things I despise in others in the beginning stages of my next relationship, even as I am presently coming out of this present heartache.”
—Joe
24. I effing hate when a girl starts talking about her ex-boyfriend.
“I effing hate when a girl starts talking about her ex-boyfriend. “if you effing miss him so much, why don’t you go grovel and beg for him to take you back!?” is what I always tell em…maybe not in those words or that way, but basically with that meaning. Unless I ask or she asks, I don’t think either person should between us and move forward without looking back.
Once I feel comfortable with the girl and we truly like each other and enjoy each other, I might or she might get curious about my past, at which point its ok to discuss those things…”
25. I think any budding relationship needs a ‘past relationships’ discussion.
“I think any budding relationship needs a ‘past relationships’ discussion—not the encyclopedia version, but the Cliff’s Notes, recent years only. And in very general, topline terms, unless there’s a specific context to the ‘ex’ discussion.
Otherwise—well, if your current hasn’t told you about his/her ex(es) then what else is he/she not telling you????”
