37 Awesomely Bad Jokes That Will Make You Pee Your Pants
1.
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 2, 2016
2.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) May 19, 2016
3.
Archaeology really is a career in ruins…#dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 25, 2016
4.
If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.#dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 9, 2016
5.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today… I told him that's the last thing I need. #dadjoke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 12, 2016
6.
Don't kiss your wife with a runny nose.
You might think it's funny, but it's snot.#dadjokes #DadJokes2015
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 2, 2015
7.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.#joke #dadjoke #badjoke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) October 14, 2015
8.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Because the P is silent#lolasaurusrex #DadJokes #dadjoke #joke— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 25, 2015
9.
"Does this uniform make me look fat" – insecurity guard#dadjokes #dadjoke #joke #badjoke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) May 11, 2015
10.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.#joke #dadjoke #dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 22, 2015
11.
Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it. #dadjokes #joke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 3, 2015
12.
Ever noticed that glass tastes like blood?
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) March 30, 2015
13.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) March 20, 2015
14.
What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) March 19, 2015
15.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) February 15, 2015
16.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To Who?
To whom.#grammar
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 16, 2015
17.
Me: Doctor you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 5, 2015
18.
I ate a clock yesterday, it was so time consuming.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 24, 2014
19.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 14, 2014
20.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 9, 2014
21.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Its ok, he woke up.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 8, 2014
22.
What's the best thing about elevator jokes?
They work on so many levels.— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 3, 2014
23.
What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for college?
Bison— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) November 23, 2014
24.
Where are average things built?
In the satisfactory.— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) November 2, 2014
25.
What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon.— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) October 28, 2014
26.
Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.
I thought it was a nice jester.— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) October 27, 2014
27.
Melon 1: Do you want to run away and get married?
Melon 2: Sorry but I cantaloupe. pic.twitter.com/V7kYd1I8lW
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) October 1, 2014
28.
I've got an addiction to water, I think I'm an aquaholic.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) August 18, 2014
29.
My sea sickness comes in waves.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) August 4, 2014
30.
Why do so many people with laser hair want to get it removed?
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) July 12, 2014
31.
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?
Attire!
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) July 10, 2014
32.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 30, 2014
33.
I jumped into the sea today.
My friends pier pressured me into it.— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 21, 2014
34.
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
The Spaghetto.— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 13, 2014
35.
Someone said my clothes were gay.
I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) May 29, 2014
36.
Whiteboards are remarkable.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 28, 2014
37.
What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 3, 2014
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