The Top 10 Dating Non-Negotiables

1. A guy who does not go down on girls.

This drives me insane. If you expect my mouth on your genitalia, I expect your mouth on mine. When foreplay consists of a few brief nipple licks before you start hammering away, I will not keep coming back for more.

2. A guy with a temper.

If you say “yeah, I’ve been known to have a temper” after just the first few dates, you’ve already said too much. I’ve been known to be a bit of a short fuse, and there’s only room for one angry person in this relationship.

3. A guy who does not like dogs.

Dogs are a man’s best friend. You don’t need to be rescuing strays and volunteering with the humane league, but you need to at least appreciate that dogs are wonderful. If you don’t like dogs, you’re probably a cold-hearted, soul-less person, and I don’t want any part of that.

4. A guy who occasionally talks in a fake accent.

I once dated a guy in college who would talk in an Irish accent when he got drunk. It was weird, unsettling, and I had to hide him from my friends. Real accents are welcome, fake accents are not.

5. A guy who follows thousands of people on Instagram.

It’s an even bigger red flag when a guy follows 800 people and only 150 follow him back. There are much more exciting things in life than the duck faces and drinks of strangers.

6. A guy who wears ugly shoes.

This is petty, but I don’t care. If a guy wears sneakers that look like space shoes or something my grandpa wears…I just can’t deal. Next.

7. A guy who has any sort of relationship with an ex.

In my last relationship I was told “we’re not actually still friends, we just play Facebook games against each other”… well wouldn’t ya know, he later cheated on me with that girl. Any type of interaction with an ex is too much interaction with an ex.

8. A guy who doesn’t work out.

Not that I’m shallow and only want a guy with a hot bod (that’s just an added bonus), but running is a huge part of my life. Many of my daily choices reflect my dedication to my training, and I need someone who understands this and has a similar mindset.

9. A guy who is overly religious.

I’m not one of those obnoxious assholes telling religious people how naive they are, but I 110% do not believe in religion for myself. Not that every average Joe I date I plan to have a future with, but I want my children to be raised in a household where they are free to explore all religious options. If you’re a devout Catholic, we probably will have some irreconcilable differences.

10. A guy who doesn’t order a drink on the first date.

This makes me fear that he either can’t appreciate a good drink, or that he is too cheap to spend the money on my $12 martini. Both of these are unacceptable to my (probably too high) standards.