Jessica Blankenship

These are tremendous moments of personal evolution, enlightenment, empowerment, bravery, and yet Facebook seems to assume that the conclusion of every relationship is a sad, somber little secret.

Let’s slow down for a minute and think about Ms. Judd and her words a little more carefully… because it’s possible that a rant like this is not doing as much to help the world as you might think.

As I was gazing at stunning images of her twerking her way to an Easter egg bounty, it occurred to me that while we’ve spent years lamenting the media validation of these specimens of watered-down, collagen-filled, cartoonish femaleness, we’ve been overlooking how really, really good they make the rest of us look.

I’m inclined to think it’s a coincidence that in that year, everything I believed, every relationship I held dear, every truth I thought I could rest on, the very filters through which I viewed the world shifted: painfully, awkwardly, awesomely, and so on. But then I observe every other goddamn 25-year-old ever­ —and hey, look! It happens to everyone.

Shake the hangover out of your hair, pour that latte straight into your eyeballs, because you have to keep up, and no, you don’t have a choice.

Anyone who looks like the anemic byproduct of a coked out three-way between Garth Algar, Lisa Loeb, and Corey Feldman is absolutely going to make sounds that give us all cheap, acidic headaches.

Threesomes are so magical based on the fact that they’re simultaneously in a completely different league than one-on-one sex (all those extra body parts are a real game-changer), and they’re reasonably attainable for entirely mortal, non-porn stars like you and me.

Going from social smooth sailor to all-out pariah isn’t easy, but trust me – if I can do it, so can you. And I’m here to help.

They’re just filled with milk. That’s what we had in elementary school, bags of milk, loosely based on the boob. But no, your boobs don’t just fill up with milk alone, there are, like, layers of insulation to keep the milk cold, right?

There is no doubt that a mostly-male, mostly-white, governing class of individuals has — and keeps — contributing to an environment across the country where women of color have the most difficult time taking advantage of these rights and meeting their healthcare needs.

Metal Bands: Blood Pheasant, Mute Swan, Wandering Albatross…

It’s weird when so many people are congratulating you on something that you would greatly prefer to not be happening. I felt the same way when I was first pregnant… everyone happy and congratulating me, feeling like I should be celebrating when I mostly felt awkward and upset.