How To Fall In Love Again (After Your Heart Has Been Broken)

You’re allowed to fall in love again.

It might seem backward, but heartbreak is forgiving. Some of the most beautiful things in life bloomed from a flower that wasn’t meant to be in the first place. One day, when your wounds have healed, someone will come into your life and they’ll be worthy of your love. And you might not see it, but you’ll be worthy of their love in return.

It starts with hurting.

People hurt people. And while it’s not always clear why, we inexplicably find ourselves caught in the crossfire. And it will hurt. It will hurt for so long you’ll begin to wonder what life felt like before there was hurt. You’ll be angry. You’ll build bridges, dig trenches, and construct walls so high no one could penetrate them ever again.

You need to feel this hurt. Let yourself cry, rip up the photographs, scream at the top of your lungs. Let every aching part of your hurting exist without question. The hurt needs to exist and it needs to be felt. It hurts because it mattered, and there’s no use telling yourself it did not.

Now you must heal.

Healing takes time. For some it takes little, for others it takes lots. But you must not deny yourself the time you need to heal. There is no calendar to healing. There is no day, no week, no month you should give yourself to feel better by. Healing is not a singular action, it’s a process. It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t happen without effort.

You need to make changes. Go shopping with you mom. Let your best friend hold you. Read the books you adored before love got in the way. Try a yoga class, read poetry, go for a run, jump out of an airplane if you have to. There is a life after heartbreak, you simply have to give yourself the push to prove that it’s there.

Explore yourself.

Sometimes we lose pieces of ourselves when we fall in love with another. We give them parts of ourselves and we don’t always get them back. It leaves behind holes. Holes that need attention and passion to be filled. You can’t fill them with things or people, you must fill them with the love you find within yourself.

You need to take risks. Think about the things you dreamt about and follow them with hunger. Book one-way tickets, take the exciting job offer, adopt the dog at the kennel. Find love in things you didn’t know or forgot existed. You have to fall in love with yourself again. Not yourself with them. Just yourself.

Now, love.

The worst thing you can do in life is close the door because you’re scared of what’s behind it. There is a safety in loneliness. There’s security in being alone. You can build walls and dig trenches, but when love decides to knock, it’s an astronomical mistake not to answer it.

You need to be fearless. Open your heart to the possibility of love. Let down your guard. Give someone the chance to explore every corner of your being, every thought in your head, every dream in your heart. It will be scary. Your heart will race from the unknown and the possibilities that are ahead of you. But you deserve to love and be loved. No amount of heartbreak should keep that from you.