Pizzagate Conspiracy Theory: Is It As Crazy As It Sounds?
When most hear the word “pizza,” that’s exactly what they think about—pizza, plain and simple. But to the believers of a notorious conspiracy theory known as “Pizzagate,” the word doesn’t actually mean “pizza”—instead, it’s code for “pedophilia.”
Did Hillary Clinton and her campaign manager run a child-slavery racket out of a Washington, DC pizza parlor, or is this the ultimate example of fake news?
When WikiLeaks revealed the “Podesta Emails” in the summer of 2016, some observers noted his repeated references to the word “pizza,” which they claim is code for “pedophilia” among child molesters.
To make things worse, it was revealed that the art collection of Podesta’s brother Tony was replete with ghastly paintings of children being abused sexually and physically.
Only five days before the 2016 presidential elections, a post on Reddit alleged that the Comet Ping Pong restaurant—a pizza joint in Washington, DC—was the headquarters of a sinister pedophilia ring operated by high-ranking Democratic Party officials:
Everyone associated with the business is making semi-overt, semi-tongue-in-cheek, and semi-sarcastic inferences towards sex with minors. The artists that work for and with the business also generate nothing but cultish imagery of disembodiment, blood, beheadings, sex, and of course pizza.
The restaurant’s owner, James Alefantis, is a gay man who was previously involved in a relationship with David Brooks, a former conservative who is now the head of Media Matters and a dyed-in-the wall progressive. The Podesta emails also included correspondence between Alefantis and John Podesta in which the word “pizza” was repeatedly used—which shouldn’t seem strange at all considering he owns a pizza restaurant—that is, if you believe “pizza” actually means “pizza.”
Photos of paintings that were alleged to have hung on the Comet Ping Pong’s walls before the Pizzagate scandal erupted are almost disturbing as those in Tony Podesta’s collection, seeing as they appeared to depict faceless adults having sex with and torturing faceless small children.
As the theory grew like a tumor, it was alleged that the Comet restaurant contained secret rooms where children were abused. It was likewise averred that the sex cult was also involved in Satanic ritual sacrifice.
Some of the wilder claims that emerged from the conspiracy:
• Certain symbols at the Comet Ping Pong were claimed to have been satanically inspired.
• An underground sex ring was always operating in the restaurant’s basement, although it turns out that the restaurant had no basement.
• Using two police sketches of the suspect in the Madeleine McCann kidnapping, believers claimed that they resembled John and Tony Podesta. In truth, both sketches were of the same suspect.
• A photo of restaurant owner James Alefantis wearing a T-shirt that said “J’ ❤ L’Enfant” was cited as proof that he was an infant-loving pedophile. In reality, it was only a shirt advertising the L’Enfant Cafe-Bar in DC.
• A completely false allegation that the New York Post had confirmed a story that the NYPD had raided Hillary Clinton’s apartment in search of evidence for Pizzagate.
• Since they had the same initials, it was said that the term “cheese pizza” in Podesta’s emails was actually code for “child pornography.”
• A video from Alex Jones’s Infowars claimed that a reporter was murdered in Haiti because she was investigating Hillary Clinton’s involvement in sex trafficking. In truth, the reporter had been working on no such thing.
• There were false allegations that emails from Clinton aide Huma Abedin contained references to a pedophilia ring directed by Hillary Clinton.
• Pizzagate was only a small part of a much wider scandal called “Pedogate,” in which most of the world’s elites conspired to sexually abuse children.
The theory gained traction and spread like wildfire on the Web, being pushed almost exclusively by right-leaning pundits who hated Hillary Clinton. It even featured prominently in the Turkish media, which appeared to swallow Pizzagate.
Then the shooting happened.
Comet Ping Pong shooting
Less than a month after Donald Trump was elected president, a 28-year-old man from North Carolina named Edgar Maddison Welch entered the Comet Ping Pong armed with an AR-15 rifle and fired three shots inside the restaurant. No one was wounded.
Welch surrendered to police without resisting. When asked why he’d shot up the pizza parlor, he said it was because it was secretly harboring child sex slaves that he wished to heroically rescue. Months later, he pled guilty to interstate transportation of firearms and assault with a deadly weapon. He was sentenced to four years in prison.
Before and after the shooting, workers at the Comet Ping Pong, as well as owner James Alefantis, claimed they were subjected to endless harassment and even death threats by people who claimed they needed to be arrested for even killed for running a child sex slave ring.
After Welch shot up his restaurant, Alefantis posted the following on Facebook:
What happened today demonstrates that promoting false and reckless conspiracy theories comes with consequences. I hope that those involved in fanning these flames will take a moment to contemplate what happened here today, and stop promoting these falsehoods right away.
Discrediting Pizzagate
Probably the strongest evidence that Pizzagate is a hoax is the fact that not a single person has ever come forward claiming to be a victim of this alleged satanic child sex ring.
Well, that and the fact that there wasn’t actually a basement in the restaurant. Then again, maybe the conspiracists think it was filled with cement after the allegations arose. You just can’t make some people happy.
Hillary Clinton finally addressed the rumors in December 16 by stating, “The epidemic of malicious fake news and fake propaganda that flooded social media over the past year, it’s now clear that so-called fake news can have real-world consequences.”
The following news organizations and law enforcement agencies have also investigated Pizzagate and declare it to be entirely fraudulent:
• Fox News
• Washington Post
• Huffington Post
• Washington Times
• Los Angeles Times
• Snopes
• Miami Herald
• London Independent
• DC Metro Police Department
• The New York Times
Still, those paintings are intensely creepy.
But in answer to the question posed in this article’s title: Yes, Pizzagate is as crazy as it sounds. Maybe crazier.
At the end of the day, it only goes to show what your mother always told you: Sometimes a pizza is just a pizza. 
