Why would anyone watch spider porn?

After watching more than I ever expected to see in a lifetime—strictly for research purposes rather than pleasure, mind you—I still don’t know.

There are few living creatures that inspire more horror and revulsion than the spider, and with good reason. Spiders can kill you. Not all of them, mind you—most spiders are relatively harmless. But enough of them are deadly that they trigger a deep evolutionary fear instinct. Although they may be more elegantly designed than cockroaches and ticks, their multiple eyes and hairy werewolf visages give them some of the most horrifying faces in the animal kingdom.

So, of course, it quite naturally follows that there are people who want to have sex with them. People are weird. Just like Internet Rule 34 dictates: “If it exists, there’s porn of it.”

Wait—you can actually find it online?

If you try searching “spider porn” online, you’ll find links to a surprising number of anime videos featuring humans paired with giant spiders. You’ll even find one EXTREMELY odd real-life non-animated porno featuring a male human rutting a female human dressed in a giant spider costume complete with multiple-eyeballed spider face and four long black spider legs bouncing around with her four human limbs. It’s something you will never be able to unsee once you’ve seen it, so if you don’t want the image of two humans having sex while the woman wears a hideous spider mask lodged in your brain from here unto eternity do NOT search “SPIDER SEX – WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?” on PornHub.

Your search will also lead you to a couple real-life videos that may more accurately be called “spider web porn,” as they don’t feature sex between humans and spiders, but the eroticism comes from real-life women either being trapped in a spider web by an unseen tormentor or wrapped in a spider web to the point of suffocation by a sadistic dominant woman.

Spider Porn Anime

The spider porn animations are even weirder, naturally, because animation is not constricted by reality. If you go to Thumbzilla, RedTube, or PornHub and search “spider,” you will find anime of a man being forced to impregnate a giant female spider against his will, a woman with a human body but a cat face being penetrated by a giant faceless spider, a giant male spider and a female human engaged in “69” oral sex, and, quite honestly if you’re not into this sort of thing as I imagine the roaring majority of humanity isn’t, more combinations of human/spider sex than you ever thought or wished were possible.

The gender breakdown in these videos is fairly equitable: Half the time it seems to be a giant male spider copulating with a human female, while the other half it’s a giant female spider riding a male who, as luck would have it, is usually unwilling. Still—WHY IS THIS A THING AND HOW DO PEOPLE GET TURNED ON BY IT?

Who gets turned on by this?

Some of the comments under these videos hilariously illustrate the entire WTF aspect of this odd arachnophiliac porn genre:

Nightmare fuel holy shit…

This is so fucked up. I would (in all honesty) rather rip open my rib cage, knock all my teeth out with my sternum, and pull my lungs out of my asshole then fuck that spider chick. I would murder my own parents if it mean’t having never found this video. I will never be the same person. If my children ever saw this I would drown them in the bathtub and leave them in this spider chick’s house. I hope there is a hell so I may one day cease to continue living in the same realm as these people.

I went for anal and saw this with all the other vids. I had to click on it and wonder who the hell thought this would be a good idea for a porn. I’m actually trying to think of a worse creature to have sex with and other than centipede I can’t really think of anything.

WTF. WTF. WTF. I would honestly rather get fucked by Shreks big fat ogre cock.

Not only has my hard on disappeared, but my dick has crawled up, inverted into my crotch!

Oh good, I’ve just witnessed my night terrors for the next month.

Disgusting.

y’all motherfuckers need jesus who the hell even thought about this!??!?!?!

Then again, every once in a while, you find someone who likes it:

god, this was hot as hell! more like this please?! maybe a sequel where after so many “visits” with the frostbite spiders, she soon starts to figure out that so many “visits” started to take its “toll” inside her? nothing to in depth on anything after all that, but just overall, i beg of you, more kinky stuff like this! there is a seriously low amount of this stuff on the web (lol “web”) and this made me cum so hard!

What’s fascinating is that a search for “spider porn” will yield plenty of videos, but up until now, not a single article even mentioning that the phenomenon exists. That’s right—while all the world’s journalists were sleeping, freaks and fetishists were creating porn videos and anime of humans having sex with spiders. And in some cases, hundreds of thousands of people were watching the videos, at least a few of them for erotic thrills. But until now, no one has written about it.

You heard it here first.