Jeremy Glass

I’m not one to fuss, but I am picky about who I date — so my girlfriend avatar will be controlled by a man who knows his film history.

The consistent electro beat should help you maintain a solid and fluid rhythm. Keep going for the gold!

You set eyes on your date and immediately hate everything about them: their hair, their voice, their name.

A new song has hit the beloved YouTube by singer/songwriter duo, Garfunkel & Oates — and it’s about getting plowed in the bum to appease the tough rules of Christianity.

I really can’t think of a scene that helps me relate any less to my childhood than the poolside masturbation scene.

At this point, I think the music industry is the only institution that does not toss around the word “rockstar.”

At the end of a long day shooing away carolers, sneering at happy families opening presents, and well, drinking, the silver lining is the little Chinese restaurant on the corner of the street.

The cool bouncer fist bumps me, but it’s dark and I go in for a high five. It just occurred to me I’m paying my dues. Like, right now.

Being lured into dancing by someone’s mom.

One of my fantasies involves me locking myself in a swanky penthouse apartment with a typewriter and achieving fame through misguided, yet romantic, views on women.

I just met you in line waiting for the bathroom, tell me the story you told me then.

For a few months, we made the whole thing work. We set up times to call each other, I visited her, she visited me, it was fine.