Jeremy Glass

Hanging out in the daytime.

To properly get into this story, I have to take you back in time to 2009. I was about 30,000 feet in the air, clutching my armrest for dear life as the tiny plane I was on dropped thousands of feet in the air. Maybe it wasn’t literally thousands of feet , but it was enough to inflict a fear of flying deep into my heart for years.

Tea is for cold days — coffee is for every single day.

We talked about butts, burgers, and brains.

The fact is, fiction won’t sell anything on the Internet.

I heard her voice before I saw her — that flirty, monotonous tone that I first heard shrieking in pleasure as her lady-parts got pummeled to by James Deen in Backdoor Teen Mom.

Hartford, 2004. I got dragged to a renaissance fair and, sitting in the back seat of the car, pretended to be asleep. The girls up front talked about me and said they both had a little crush. My heart melted, but my eyes remained closed.

The Internet is pulsing with stories about forlorn writers fantasizing about penning their masterpiece from a little room on a swiftly-moving Amtrak train. I’ve recently conquered a a fear of flying, but before that happened, I rode a lot of trains. I’ve had pleasant trips from New York City to Montreal and boring rides from Connecticut to Georgia.

Last night, for no particular reason, I decided to not to take my Klonopin. Let’s backtrack: I’ve been on this drug for about three years straight now.

This is an excerpt from Jeremy Glass’s new book, Aimless, a collection of short stories featuring bursts of fictional oddities, cerebral essays, and various references to sexual fantasies gone terribly awry.

 With hacks on the rise in the World Wide Web, finding a hack that’s perfect for you is easier than ever. Find out how to hack with this hack and start hacking away.  1.

But, when it comes to the Internet, you’re barely passing. D minus maybe.

Unbeknownst to most of my friends, this little box of stories has followed me around from each and every apartment I’ve lived in for the past four years.

Look, fast food is totally delicious and all…but it will eventually kill you. So, if you’re looking for a really unique way to commit suicide, I suggest popcorn-shrimping yourself to death.

I could write a whole spiel about my distaste for the great American scam that is the unpaid internship, but I digress.

Audiences need to let go of their inhibitions and ease themselves back into the world of the Bluths.

3. Taking a huge sip of beer as someone tells me something sad, then choking on the beer and spitting it all over their fifty-page thesis.

She was my waitress at some restaurant and I jokingly left her my business card, not thinking she’d actually text me.