Aerobics, Billy Blanks, And Tracy Anderson: My Quest For Cardio Coolness

When I was a little kid, I often went with my mom on Wednesday mornings to her aerobics class at the YMCA. She tried to put me in the nursery; but after being repeatedly bitten by a feral looking child with a Fargo-esque accent and rat tail, I refused and instead opted to sit on the floor of the gym and watch Wisconsin at its finest. The class consisted of many stay-at-home moms, a few seniors, and one quasi-sexy firefighter with a mustache. I remember thinking he was strange to take a dance-based class with lots of women. My mom thought he was cool. I now agree.  Eventually my mom grew tired of aerobics and bought a NordicTrack.

Fast forward several years later – I am now a teenager bored at home, watching way too much TV. (Imagine the era of the George Foreman grill and Ally McBeal.) One day, I saw a commercial for Billy Blanks’ new Tai Bo workout series. Eager to be fit and cool like Billy, I asked my mom to drive me to the nearby Target, so I could purchase my very own VHS tape.  Sadly, I quickly learned that not only do I panic when my heart beat increases, but that partaking in trendy workouts also did not immediately fill the “Why wasn’t I invited to that party where everyone’s gonna play Truth or Dare?” void. Dorky, sweaty and kiss-less, I gave up and ate Smart Start cereal while watching Late Night with Conan O’Brien.(Yay, kid-me!)

The pattern continues. Fast forward several more years — I am now a young woman living in New York City.  I have just discovered green juice and WTF with Marc Maron. I think I am pretty cool but not really cool and am okay with that. One day, I go over to my fancy soothing friend’s apartment. She has a true one bedroom, lots of soft throw blankets, really listens when you talk and well—clearly I think she is doing a great job at being a woman. On her mantle, I notice a shiny DVD with a mini blonde person on it. I get up to investigate. “Tracy Anderson – who the hell is that?” I thought. My friend returned from the bathroom and explained that this DVD had recently given her more ballerina-like arms. That sounded good to me!  But since I am cheap/broke, I opted to look up Tracy Anderson on the inter-web and try out some of her free video clips instead. Here’s what happened: Too Much Therapy: Episode 3. Annie and Jenson do Tracy Anderson.