You Left Me And I Wish I Knew Why

You left me and I wish I knew why.

I’ve been slowly draining myself for months. Time has slowed down and left me trapped in a circle that I can’t seem to escape. Each day I get up and I replay the memory of you leaving in my mind so that I will never forget it. Then I sit back and watch the story of us flash by in snippets and clips, grasping for something to hold onto. I tell myself that there must have been a time that I was too blinded with love to see the change in your eyes. I drive myself crazy with these thoughts.

Wracking my brain for the signs I should’ve seen, searching every memory for where we went wrong, flipping hopelessly through the pictures for clues, each time feeling even emptier than I did before.

There were no warning lights flashing danger up ahead. No caution tape wrapped around your smile, no little voice telling me to stay away, no sirens screaming out.

I think back on all of our little moments, but there was no such warning.

There was nothing to warn me that one day I would no longer be someone worth discovering. No label forcing me to believe that you were the most dangerous substance to my soul. No cautionary tale forewarning that I would become nothing but a forgotten book collecting dust on your shelf of wasted time.

There was simply you.

You, smiling sleepily down at me as you brushed the curls off of my face.

You, with your long, calloused hands drawing circles on the back of mine.

You, giggly and giddy, cheeks rosy from the poison we were drinking.

You, acting like a fool in the middle of our living room dance floor.

You, holding me closely when the world became just a little too loud.

There was always you, making me feel like the only person in the room.

Until there wasn’t.