I’m Over It, But Not Over You

I’m not over the feelings I still have that I pretend I don’t. I am not over the memories that haunt me every night before I go to sleep. I am not over how beautiful you would make me feel. I am not over the way you would look at me. I am not over the years we have. I am not over all the effort you put into breaking down my walls. I’m not over the fact that you’re weird perfectly matches my weird. I am not over that you give me what I need before I ask you to. I am not over that you showed me a love that I never believed in. I am not over all the nostalgic childish things we both like. I am not over how you can remember everything from years ago like it was yesterday.

I am not over your family and friends I grew to love. I am not over the passion that never burns out, even after all these years. I am not over the fact that you make me feel safe and wild at the same time. I am not over holding your hand before we fall asleep. I am not over the first meal you made to impress me. I am not over wearing your favorite outfit, hoping you will notice. I am not over trying to win you back with my body.

But I am over it. I am over waiting for things to get better.

I am over waiting for you to not be lost. I am over apologizing for indiscretions of years past. I am over being punished for mistakes I have made. I am over not being sure if this truly still is “what it used to be.” I am over you not wanting to grow up. I am over you not seeing how perfect I am. I am over you for not giving me a chance to be more than just a trophy. I am over believing in your potential when you don’t believe in yourself. I am over feeling guilty for my success when you don’t even try. I am over feeling like I have high standards when my exceptions are more than reasonable.

I am over making compromises when all I get in return is false promises. I am not over our happily ever after but I am over us being just a “maybe.” I am not over being your love but I am over being just an option. I am not over “being the one” but I am over being a “what if.” I am over you feeling sorry for yourself and using this as an excuse to give up. I am over you acting like I make you feel inadequate when all I wanted was for you to give something a chance.

I am over you being too lazy to be the man I deserve. I am over you saying, “You deserve better” but you never become better. I am over you settling because it’s easier. I am over you running away to avoid the truth. I am over you picking the easier choice because she doesn’t challenge you like I do.

I am not over you, but I am over it.