Libra – Gretchen Wieners

“I’m sorry that everyone is so jealous of me, it’s not my fault that I am popular.” 

No one is more popular than the Libra social butterfly. Libras are known to be the most loyal of the bunch. Gretchen is the head of the “evil band of loyal followers.” However, never underestimate a Libra’s kindness. They can forgive but never forget.

“You’d know I am not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah two years ago she told me hoop earrings were ‘her’ thing and I was not allowed to wear them anymore.”

Libras may be the most friendly, but they can hold a grudge. Remember to always appreciate them….their hair is so big they know all your secrets.

Scorpio – Regina George

Scorpios are natural born leaders.

“In reality, she’s so much more than that…. she is Queen Bee- the star those other 2 are just her little workers.”

Scorpios are passionate and assertive people. They crave power.

Scorpios have this magical sense to them—they really embody the true meaning of “wanting what you can’t have.”

“The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.”
“Same with Gretchen, the meaner Regina was to Gretchen, the more Gretchen tried to win her back.”

Scorpios are very jealous and secretive. They are decisive and make excellent leaders. Sometimes people can fear them, but nonetheless, everyone wants to run in a Scorpio’s crew.

“Gretchen knew it was better to be in the Plastics hating life, to not be in the Plastics at all. Because being in the Plastics was like being famous.”

A Scorpio has this aura about them that makes everything seem so much more special and glamorous.

Scorpios are also the most resourceful sign, no one can flip a Burn Book on you like Regina George.

Sagittarius – Karen Smith

Sagittarians are known for being idealistic. They love freedom and being outdoors, mainly in the rain to report the weather. They have an amazing sense of humor, but they are known to be a “Yes Man” and promise more than they can deliver.

They are always down for whatever.

“You want to do something fun? You want to go to Taco Bell?”

A Sagittarius has the word vomit vice—they will say anything that is on their mind.

“So if you are from Africa, why are you white?”

They love to live in the moment and be festive.

“I’m a mouse, duh.”

Sagittarians tend to wander off in their own world. Some less wise people may see this as flighty, but we know those who wander are not always lost.

Capricorn – Aaron Samuels

Capricorns are hard workers and very self-disciplined. They greatly care about tradition and family.

“All he cares about is school, his mom and his friends.”

Capricorns have a tremendous amount of self-control. You would need a great deal of self-control dating Regina George.

Capricorns can tend to be unforgiving at times and a bit of a know-it-all.

“You are just like a clone of Regina.”

Capricorns are very independent and learn best from experience. Grool.

Aquarius – Glen Coco

Mysterious, well-liked, aloof—Glen Coco I barely know you, but I really want to! Aquarians are known to be the ghost of the zodiac. They are the lone wolf type, but still, they are somehow always the “star of the show.”

“4 for you, Glen Coco you go Glen Coco!”

Aquarians are unique, genuine souls. They enjoy helping others, and people who keep their word. They are not one for tiresome mind games. You will never find their name in the Burn Book. They tend to lay low in the heat of the moment. Aquarius will glow in glory and run from confrontation.

Pisces – Damian

Pisces, you creative, beautiful soul. Your heart is filled with dreams and aspirations that are too big for your own head to ever comprehend.

You are screaming of talent. “You are beautiful no matter what they say.”

Pisces will seize the day and live every moment to their fullest. Whether it be the Spring Fling or the Winter Talent Show, you are there.

“I care. Every year, the seniors throw this dance for the underclassmen called The Spring Fling. And whoever is elected Spring Fling King and Queen automatically becomes head of the Student Activities Committee. And since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would say, yeah, I care.”

Pisces, you have a good heart and even better spirit! Just remember to lend your clothes to people who appreciate you.

“I want my pink shirt back!”

Aries – Janice Ian

A determined leader, the only person who could overthrow an evil dictator. Aries has passion burning out of them. If an Aries has set their mind to something, there is no fire they can not put out or start. Arians are courageous and enthusiastic.

“I just think it would be like a fun little experiment if you were to hang out with them and then tell us everything that they say.”

Aries are always honest even when the truth hurts, they have no problem telling you how real it really is.

“See at least me and Regina know we are mean. You try to act so innocent like, ‘Oh I used to live in Africa with all the little birdies and the little monkeys!’”

Aries can be impatient and short-tempered which leads to these kinds of blowups. Ruthless or not they speak the truth. Most of the time they use their power for good.

“There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.”

Taurus – Ms. Norbury

Stable and persistent. No other sign can be a “Pusher” like this stubborn bull. Taurus is the most reliable and devoted sign always there to lend a helping hand. Taurus is patient and practical. Ms. Norbury is so practical she works two jobs!

Taurians are responsible and motivated, they thrive on improvement. They love to mold potential, as Ms. Norbury encourages (or forces, whatever) Cady to join the Mathletes. Even though it’s total social suicide tbh… Although Taurus is known for being supportive, their understanding nature makes them an amazing leader.

No other staff member could reach out to the girls like Ms. Norbury did.

“You have to stop calling each other sluts and whores.”

Wise words, Norbury.

Gemini – Kevin G.

Gemini the sign of the twin, one of the most adaptable signs. Geminis are known to be very well-rounded and talented.

“I’m a Mathlete, so nerd is inferred. But forget what you heard, I’m like James Bond the Third.”

Geminis are known to be very curious.

“You Puerto Rican?”
“Lebanese”
“I feel that.”

They enjoy music and challenges. Gemini just loves to showcase themselves in the best way possible. They hate confinement and love meeting new people. They tend to get lost in their own indecisiveness. Most of the time they escape reality because they prefer to live in their own little world. Geminis are extremely inconsistent. They are the true definition of hot and cold.

Cancer – The Crying Girl

“I just have a lot of feelings.”

She doesn’t even go here….but she wants to be your friend that bad. Cancers are known as the homemaker sign.

“I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish I could bake a cake, filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.”

Cancers are truly the “giver” sign.

Cancers are highly imaginative and moody, but they mean well. They let their emotions get the best of them, whether it be overreacting or underreacting.

Cancers can be suspicious and manipulative, but this does not come from a malicious place it comes from insecurity.

Leo – Cady Heron

Leos love the spotlight. They may not always like to admit it, but their ego can get the best of them.

“Are you in love with me?”

“People looked at you all the time, and everyone just knew stuff about you.”

Leos can get a little blinded by the limelight and they need to remember where the moral compass is.

Leos can be self-centered and stubborn. They are definitely not the first ones to admit they are wrong, but when they take a step back they can see the true light. Leos right whatever they wrong and they do it in the best way possible.

“A piece for Regina George. She fractured her spine and she still looks like a rock star.”

Virgo – Principal Duvall

Hard-working, loyal, organized—a Virgo to the T. It is only fitting that a Virgo is a respected figure like a Principal. As overachieving as the Virgo may be, no one is perfect. Virgos can be a tad judgemental and overly critical on themselves and others.

“I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.”