The 5 Most Important Things Failure Taught Me

At some point in everyone’s life, they will experience rock bottom. Sometimes people experience failure again and again, thinking that things can’t possibly get worse, only for some new fresh, awful thing to slap them in the face. Rock bottom is terrifying. Failure is scary. But it doesn’t have to be.

Rock bottom means that there’s only one way to go: up. Rock bottom means a time to rebuild and reinvent. But you have to be open to this and accept the fact that things have to change in order for things to get better.

1. Let go of the past. It’s time to move forward.

Grudges are just rocks weighing you down. Whether a friend who backstabbed you, a lover who spurned you, anyone or anything that has ever wounded you physically or emotionally. You don’t have to forgive, you don’t have to forget, but you have the power to decide to push on. That you can move forward. Dwelling on the past leads to regret and, in the end, what’s done is done and you can’t change the past. It is out of your control. All we have is the future.

2. The best kind of revenge is your own success.

There’s nothing that’s more of a “screw you” to someone who has ever left you or has ever told you that you’re not good enough then succeeding without them. Prove to them—but more importantly, to yourself—that you are strong and independent.

3. Allow yourself to mourn for a loss. Allow yourself to cry when you’re heartbroken. Allow yourself to feel every emotion and reflect on those emotions.

Experiencing loss, failure, and heartbreak is one of the most painful, but most enlightening experiences in the world. Cry (ugly cry), scream into a pillow, eat comfort food while watching a really crappy film. You learn most about your standard of success when you fail. You learn about love from heartbreak and loss, and you learn to never accept anything less than the best. Accept the little things.

4. Take some time for yourself. Allow yourself to live in the moment or let yourself indulge in something you’ve always wanted to do.

Eat cake. Dance around your apartment in your underwear; music blasting to your favorite Pandora party playlist. There’s nothing wrong with a little self-love. You can’t love another unless you can love and take care of yourself first.

5. You can’t do everything. You can’t please everyone. And that’s okay.

I always wanted to do everything and excel in everything. I wanted to make people think I was perfect. But when I couldn’t do it all and I couldn’t keep a grip on everything, my life fell apart. I had to accept my fuck-it-bucket. Do what you love, try the best you can, and forget the rest. There will always be some haters, but that’s okay.