Jeffrey Ellinger

1. Is he going to text you back?

Now and for all of eternity, let us know what is good and true when it comes to your amazing and beautiful, sexy as anything in the world, back hair.

“ATLiens”: If Lennon/McCartney had been born in rural Georgia in the late 70s, this is the album they would’ve made.

It wasn’t till sophomore year, after a conference over Christmas break, that I started to truly give my life to God.

Hi, my name is Jeffrey and I’m looking for the love of my life. In my head, she is a mix of Lake Bell, Jenny Slate and the Jewish woman from the Big Freedia music videos.

‘Manhattan’ may be just a romantic comedy. But it’s the smartest one ever made.

8. Develop a mental disorder – Which one you choose depends on what kinds of defects you may already have.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is not a movie yet, but I’ll later see it and immediately think of the talks I had with Megan.

Ranking Revolutionary Road and Yates’s 6 other novels.

I wonder about the one who worked at the League of Women Voters and who had tattoos all up on her arms.

Maybe my wife will have such good hair that she’ll make it up for the both of us.

Here’s another thing I fear I won’t be able to remember later, who smiled the most, a silly thing, though very important. 

Being “gay,” that was synonymous with social anathema.

Men will say, “I just don’t think you and I are right for each other,” when really the man means to say, “I think I could find someone that’s more attractive than you, so that’s what I’m going to do now.”

In a long, drawn-out email, I defended myself from all the real and/or imaginary faults I believed she silently leveled against me.

Life without Facebook, there’s a reason for it. Well, there used to be a reason. There was girl or maybe there was a boy and maybe he got married or maybe she found a new girlfriend.

Because you’re nothing if your short story about a bear eating a steak with a golem in downtown Manhattan hasn’t had 50 Favorites and you’ve gotten that gold star from the website that gives out gold stars.

It is 2007 again and the one with curly hair is on my mind.