Jason Motta

Anytime you’re close enough to smell her hair and it smells like coconuts.

Not all exes are equal.

Life is too short to be with someone who can’t make you violently belly laugh.

She keeps her independence.

What do you think prevents most people from being happy?

What he listens to in the car.

“I’m horny.”

She initiates.

When you could talk to her forever and still not be bored.

Capricorns desire a classy girlfriend, they need to know that any potential partner will fit into their old-fashioned lives.

You deserve someone who puts down their phone for you.

Life without you is like a broken pencil: pointless.

My friend gave me his Tinder password. I don’t go on it to cheat. I just go on it to look at what I might be missing.

We want to get off and we want to feel like we are sex gods while we do it.

We don’t want the artifice, we want you.

1. They do things to keep you out of synch with them and on a completely different wavelength. Does your partner do a juice cleanse without you? Get drunk frequently with his friends while you’re home sober?

Play with puppies. Smile at kittens. When you’re at a party with kids go the extra mile: play and hide and sneak with the under five demo.

Sometimes—no matter how much feminist literature we have read—we still feel the need to objectify you.