I’m Done Settling For Only Half Of Your Love

Yes, I am done settling for your halves.

This time, I will stand up for what I deserve. I will not let you walk in and out of my life whenever it pleases you.
I don’t want to wake up every morning having second thoughts if you are going to answer my text or not.

I don’t want to be your “Almost”, your “Maybe”, your “Sometimes”. I want your “Sure”, your “Yes”, your “Always”. I deserve someone who wants to stay. Someone who I didn’t have to work so hard for. Someone who I didn’t have to continuously beg and convince to love me.

This time, I will be strong enough to fight the crippling loneliness of your absence. I will be ready to face all your uncertainties. I will have the courage to walk away from the spiteful things you keep on doing to me.

You were always there to touch, but not hold. Look, but not stare. Hug, but not embrace. Near, but not close. There’s always something lacking. There’s always something that you didn’t want to give. I don’t want your halves anymore. You want me to stay because you said you needed me. But I don’t want to be needed —I want to be loved.

You can’t stab me and expect me to say sorry for bleeding. I don’t want to apologize anymore for being angry. For being sad. For always being there for you. For loving you. This time, I will not give in so easily.

If you want me to stay, make an effort.

Don’t love me in accordance to your mood. Don’t throw me like trash whenever you feel like it. Nobody deserves secondhand affection. Nobody wants bargained appreciation. I don’t deserve leftover love.

I don’t want to keep on guessing my position in your life. I will stop saying how much you mean to me because I don’t want to hear you say “Don’t expect that from me” ever again. I will stop tolerating all the bullshit and start seeing everything for exactly what they are. I will not be okay with you hurting me just because you say “You know me already”.
Yes, you make me happy. But you also make me sad. I will slowly untangle the knot you placed on my heart. You will start to lose the power you have over me.

This time, I will not devote all my time for you. All my love for you. I will start showing you exactly what you are giving me. Yes, I love you and you need me, but then again, not really.

No, I don’t want your love in halves.