What Your Favorite Fast Food Restaurant Reveals About Your Sex Life

Chick-Fil A: Your sex life is pretty heteronormative. #mostlikelymissionary

Updated 8 years ago, December 14, 2016

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1. McDonald’s

You are loving it, every second of it. Your sex life is just a wild ride. With you, we never know what we’re going to get next. Sometimes your sex life brings you around clowns, other times you find yourself in a not-so-sanitary bathroom. However, all the time, you get your Happy Meal. #wheresmytoy

2. Chipotle

Okay, to start off, you don’t give a fuck if you get a bacterial infection. You go for what tastes and feels the best. Don’t let anyone judge you. Nonetheless, like your burritos, you like it wrapped up. Honestly, your life motto is “wrap it before you tap it.” Go get that burrito. #condomsex

3. Burger King

You live for the times when you get to munch on a moist, dark, meaty patty. And to tell you the truth, you Whopper hard core as much as possible. You Whopper in the car. You Whopper in the bathroom stall. You Whopper in the library. And you make sure to Whopper in the drive thru window. #chickenfries

4. Wendy’s

The perfect recipe for a perfect night for you is that delicate mix of sweet and saltiness. Okay, let’s break this down. You crave that warm, salty ting of um, let’s just say some fries. And you can’t go on without the cool, sweet pounding of a, you know, um, “Frosty.” And you dip those fries in that “Frosty.” You dip it. #hotncold

5. Chick-Fil A

Your sex life is pretty heteronormative. #mostlikelymissionary

6. Panera Bread

For you, there is a set allotment of times you are allowed to engage in sexual situations to maintain a healthy lifestyle. But that does not mean you don’t get kinky. Oh, we know, you like that mac and cheese in your bread bowl. #getthebaguette

7. Arby’s

Beef. You love beef. Talk to the beef. Caress the beef. Love the beef. Love the beef more than any other beef you have ever loved. Let the beef know that that beef, for you, is the only beef in the world. Confirm that the beef and you have both been tested. And then, put the beef in the buns. #meat

8. Wawa

Hoagie fest. Hoagie fest. Hoagie fest. Hoagie fest. Hoagie fest.

9. KFC

What can you say? You like them old. That general, that motherclucking general. Get it, because it’s a chicken? But seriously. You are a cougar hunter, a sugadaddy locator. You find the baby boomer, and lock them down. #mature