Jacob Kind

Chick-Fil A: Your sex life is pretty heteronormative. #mostlikelymissionary

Leo: Honestly, Leo, just get out of bed.

Local Coffee Shop: You are lazy AF and like whatever is close by and within arm’s reach. However, what’s amazing for you and annoying for everyone else is that the person you find ends up being a one-of-a-kind, unique, cute, little creation of wonder.

1. You crave to have a FRIENDS set up with your neighbors, but at the same time you avoid them like the plague. 2.

Maybe a lover cheats, maybe your bank balance is only in the double digits, or maybe Netflix is being shaky because your Internet provider lies about the quality of their service. Nevertheless, it is statistically probable that something in your life is wrong. Something should suck.

“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.” Christopher Parker

You always give left-handed compliments, because your right hand busily holds a double-edged sword.

“The only problem with seeing people you know is that they know you.”

Yes, that 23-minute ride to work today – that’s a “F.R.I.E.N.D.S.” episode.