Jack Loftus

Clichés. Crying. Bargaining and acceptance. Breakups are so woefully unoriginal. Then you have one. But you recover. Somehow. An iPhone game. An obvious song. Goes something like this.

Justin Bieber, the Canadian-born pop sensation, appears at the summit of Mount Zion in a cloud of smoke and pyrotechnics. He is flanked by his mother, Patricia Lynn Mallette, and his mentor, hip-hop legend Usher. At Bieber’s right side is a copy of his righteous Rolling Stone February cover story, held like a tablet. At his left is a negative paternity test, crushed to a ball in a vice-like grip.

We will never outrun the night, my feathered friends, and we were fools to try for this long. We must accept this inevitable fact, just as we have accepted our eventual deaths and an understanding that our tiny wings will never grant us the true flight we’d need to escape this relentless archipelago prison.