Holly Riordan

If we fast forward to love, we’ll end up missing out on precious moments that only new couples have.

“I was almost kidnapped when I was four and it is one of my most vivid memories.”

“Woke up early in the morning. It was still dark. And I heard a bear snarl. Froze in my sleeping bag. Bear snarled again.”

Get used to looking at yourself in the mirror first thing in the morning, so you realize how beautiful you are naturally, without foundation or concealer or compliments from men.

You’re into guitar players, because you like men that are good with their hands and can keep a rhythm.

Don’t act like it’s my duty to sleep with you, just because I accepted your offer to buy me a beer. Don’t call me an ungrateful bitch, because I turned down your offer to buy me a beer.

If you get home late again, I’m going to spank you. But If you get home early, I’ll spank you even harder.

Getting kissed deeply while he’s pulling our hair with one hand and grabbing our ass with the other.

I’ve made mistakes in the past that I’ve learned to accept, but I could never accept losing you.

You’re not supposed to stress yourself out by wondering if your partner likes you as much as you like them. You’re supposed to know for certain how they feel.

You should be his little slice of paradise, not his punching bag.

The reality: The cute guy you thought you had a connection with ends up dropping all contact with you. He doesn’t tell you why. He just stops answering your messages, so you have to move on to the next guy who’s bound to do the same exact thing.

Being “the man” doesn’t mean you have to bring home the big paycheck and change the oil in the car anymore. Now, it requires you to treat your partner like an equal.

We might’ve had some minor setbacks and an existential crisis or two, but look at us now. We’re still alive. We’re still doing whatever we can to create a worthwhile future for ourselves.

Kiss her neck. Lick her neck. Bite her neck. Whatever you do, don’t ignore that neck.

Don’t bother to set your alarm. I’m going to wake you up with oral.

Date someone who pulls over the car and bangs you on the hood of it, because they got turned on by your out-of-pitch voice singing along to the radio.

“Everyone’s obsessed with Kylie Jenner lips, but I don’t get it. Big or small? Doesn’t matter to me. As long as they’re soft.”