Holly Riordan

I don’t want someone who sends me mixed signals, because they think it’s a necessary part of the dating game. I want someone who tells me how they feel when they’re feeling it, no exceptions.

“One of the hotels I work at was changing their room layouts, and when they moved a bed they found a red pentagram painted (I hope) on the carpet beneath it. “

I want to live with you, so we won’t feel the need to fill every moment with adventure to make sure we don’t waste what little time we have. So we can just lounge around and read on opposite ends of the couch without saying a word. So we can spend the entire day in bed, alternating between snoring and screwing.

You’re the type of person who would buy your partner soup and sing them silly little lullabies when they’re sick. You’re the type of person who would sit side-by-side with them on the couch, reading a book while they watched their favorite TV show. Doesn’t that make you a total catch?

Imagine you’re in a heated argument with someone sexy, and then they suddenly push you up against the wall and slide a hand up your skirt.

We’ll tell you we love you by letting you choose the movie on date night and by giving you the last bite of our ice cream. We’ll tell you we love you by doing the dishes when it’s your turn and by spending hours searching for your birthday gift. We’ll tell you we love you in a secret language we pray you understand.

Put on that dress you wore the last time a sexy stranger hit on you. The memories will instantly boost your confidence.

Instead of stopping mid-cowgirl to tell him you’re too worn out to continue, order him to get on top of you. If you make it sound like you’re talking dirty, instead of admitting that you’re completely out of breath, he’ll be incredibly turned on.

Women who are passionate about their career, so that the relationship isn’t the only thing that their life revolves around.

What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever thought about doing to me?

I want someone who won’t mind spending more money on books than on beer. Someone who will sit crosslegged on the floor and read opening passages to me. Someone who will help me find the perfect book and then fuck me against the bookshelf.

He’ll leave you alone when you tell him you want to be left the hell alone. But he’ll come right back when you change your mind and ask him to cuddle.

He walked over to her, grabbed her by the nape of the neck, and dunked her head under the water. Even from the entryway, I could see the bubbles. Could hear her smothered screams.

If you don’t know us all that well, then it’s easy to mistake our jokes for insults. But in reality, we’re the nicest people you’ll ever meet.

It’s not fair for you to be stuck at work when I’m this fucking wet.

Here are some sexual roleplaying ideas to spice up your sex life. Just make sure you come up with some safe words!

By the time my dad had finished implanting fictitious memories into my boyfriend’s mind, he was in love with the girl he was set to marry. Even worse, he had no idea who I was anymore.

If you were still alive, there would be one less tattoo adorning my body. One less date that made me burst into tears every single year.