Holly Riordan

Suck on one of his fingers. That way, he can imagining you going down on him while he’s going down on you.

“Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan: In addition to incest, this novel contains a shit ton of gang rape scenes and mentions of suicide.”

“Okay, I sound like an ass, but sometimes I like my ex’s pictures, just to mess with her.”

Put on MCR, Nine Inch Nails, or whatever other band she’s into as you fuck her in the backseat of your car.

He sends you good morning texts every single day, so you always have something nice to wake up to.

Even your overprotective friends, who find flaws in every guy you crush on, are encouraging you to go out with him.

Resist the urge to call him out on social media or post mopey song lyrics about your breakup. Instead, post statuses about the epic concert you just went to or the new car you just bought. Your happiness will drive him nuts.

Have you ever heard of mirroring? It’s when he’ll scratch his head when you scratch your head and lick his lips when you lick your lips. It’s a definite sign that he’s interested.

Scorpio: When you’re drunk, you become self-destructive. Even though you know better, you’ll pick up your phone and text your ex about how much you miss them–or about what a complete and utter ass they are.

The Maze Runner: You want someone who can lift you over their shoulders with their thick muscles, but can also get all the answers right when you watch Jeopardy.

Why would you waste your time with someone who makes you feel unattractive? Someone who takes a diamond and tricks it into believing it’s a hunk of dirt?

Head to an ice cream shop, but instead of loading up on soft serve, buy a milkshake and stick two straws in it.

Even though I knew the visions had no bearing on my real life, they still messed with my mind. Like bad dreams. When you know your boyfriend isn’t actually cheating on you, but you can’t push away the mental image of him bending your best friend over your bed and shoving his cock in her.

Ask him to get a little rough, so you don’t get bored staring at the wall. A little hair pulling and light spanking should keep you occupied.

If we say something, we mean it, because we’ve had the argument with you twenty times in our head before it became a reality.

The first time you start referring to their pets as your children.

When you’re lounging on the couch with her, absentmindedly stroking her hair and running your hands along her skin.

“That’s when I realize, a little dizzy, that the snake’s jaws are very very wide and there are two little legs sticking out of it. I think the legs were still twitching, struggling, alive.”