Holly Riordan

Don’t shower or shave right before sex. Warm water could dry out your vaginal tissue and shaving could irritate it.

Engaged: Love means putting in effort. It means doing your best to create a life that both of you can be happy with.

Keeping your headphones in or your head buried in a book, so that no one will bother you.

Those heels make your legs look even hotter.

I have no idea how you feel about me, because we aren’t capable of having a serious conversation. It’s always flirty and playful and downright meaningless.

My underwear is soaking wet now. I’m going to have to take them off soon.

You can’t hold a conversation with him. Your intelligence is too high and his maturity level is too low.

He looks different down there. Even though he normally complains about how much he hates shaving, his genitals are now completely bare.

Anyone could make eye contact with me from across a room or swipe right with their thumb. All it takes is a second of your time. All it takes is a tiny bit of confidence and a desire to get in my pants. You know what would actually impress me? If you took more than two seconds to focus on me. If you dedicated your time to getting to know me. The real me.

I was digging under the bed, searching for pictures of my deceased parents during my last visit to my childhood home before it got sold, when I found it. A diary covered with neon Lisa Frank stickers of unicorns and ice cream cones. A little yellow lock dangled from the edge, securing the pages together, but it was flimsy. I could snap it right open. And I did.

Gemini: You’re Paulie. Some days, you walk around with a smirk stuck to your face. On other days, you cry over the sight of a butterfly.

Who’s most likely to forget their vows on our wedding day?

He offers you bites of his dessert and he offers to pick up the check. He’s a giver, which means he’ll probably give you the gift of oral.

The right person for you will always love you, no matter how many sleepless nights and panic attacks you have.

Aries: You should stay away from clingy boys. The ones who want to hang out on a daily basis and expect you to text them back five minutes after they send you a message.

Even when he’s drunk, he knows how to control himself. He never does anything reckless that he ends up regretting in the morning.

There’s so much sexual tension between us, because we’re both experts at pretending. Pretending that we didn’t just stare at each other for a second too long. Pretending that we didn’t just come dangerously close to kissing.

“She thought she was underwater so she started to hold her breath and wouldn’t wake up.”