This Is Why I Have No Idea How You Feel About Me

I have no idea how you feel about me, because every time we have an intimate moment, you act like you wish you could take it back. You’ll flirt and tease. You’ll hug me and even kiss me, and then you’ll act like it never happened. You’ll act like there’s absolutely nothing between us, even though we both know that’s a lie. Even though we both know there’s an unspoken connection between us that we’ll never talk about aloud.

I have no idea how you feel about me, because there are days when you blow up my phone with messages and other days when you ignore my texts completely. There are days when you beg me to hang out with you and other days when you come up with bullshit excuses about why you’re too busy for me. It feels like your opinion of me changes by the day, and it confuses the hell out of me.

I have no idea how you feel about me, because we aren’t capable of having a serious conversation. It’s always flirty and playful and downright meaningless. Filled with empty words that make us giggle, but are worthless at the end of the day. Our relationship is superficial. Based on inside jokes and compliments and longing looks.

I have no idea how you feel about me, because your actions don’t match your words. You’ll tell me that I’m gorgeous and then you’ll flirt with another girl in front of me. You’ll tell me that you love hanging out with me and then you’ll go MIA for weeks. I can’t believe a word that slips out of your pretty little lips, because you always end up contradicting yourself.

I have no idea how you feel about me, because you aren’t consistent. In fact, you’re downright moody. You’ll grab my hand one second, and a few seconds later, you’ll instigate a fight just to piss me off. You’re hot and cold. Black and white. A nice boy and a fuck boy. I don’t know which side of you is the real you and which side is only an act.

I have no idea how you feel about me, because you’re a coward. You don’t want anyone to get too close to you, so you pretend that you don’t have any feelings at all. That you don’t need anyone. That you’re better off alone. If you keep that attitude up, I’m never going to know if I’m one of the rare ones that you’re dying to take a chance on or if you genuinly just don’t care about me.

I have no idea how you feel about me, because I’ve never actually asked. I don’t want to look desperate by asking you if you like me as much as I like you. I don’t want to look pushy by forcing you to label us and end up ruining something that could’ve naturally progressed. I’m just as big of a coward as you are, and that’s why I have no idea how you feel about me.