To The Nice Guy Who Turned Out To Be Another Asshole

1. Stop lying to yourself.

The reason why women hate hearing that “nice guys finish last” is because nice guys are never the ones complaining. It’s always the assholes masquerading as nice guys. They’re giving the rest of men a bad name. For their sake, embrace your asshole attitude instead of convincing yourself that you’re “not like the rest of them.”

2. Don’t congratulate yourself on the small things.

I know you thought you were something special, because you didn’t cheat on me or snoop through my cell phone. But guess what? That’s called being a decent human being. Don’t give yourself a pat on the back every time you hold yourself back from bitch slapping me. You’re no hero.

3. Take responsibility for your actions.

I know you’re going to tell all of your friends I was a psycho bitch. You’re probably telling yourself that too, so it’s easier for you to deal with losing me. But you can’t keep seeing the world through your skewed vision. Reality is going to hit you sooner or later.

4. I don’t miss you.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m pining over you day and night. If you were actually the nice guy I originally thought you were, then yes, our breakup would’ve destroyed me. But you’re just another asshole. I’m not going to cry about losing someone like you. That’s cause for celebration.

5. You haven’t ruined me for other men.

I could use you as an example of why I should give up on love. Of why I should put relationships behind me and focus on anything and everything else. But that would mean you’ve won, and you haven’t. I’m still going to date, and I’m still going to be trusting of the men I meet in the future. I know I’ll eventually find someone who’s genuine, and isn’t just putting on an act.

6. Take a break from dating to work on yourself.

At least the men who message me on Tinder, commenting on my tits, are embracing who they are. You don’t even know who the hell you are. One second you’re sweet and thoughtful, and the next you’re short and snappy. Maybe it’s an act, or maybe you’re just confused. Maybe you have no real clue about who you are or what you want and that kills you.

7. Stop acting like the victim.

I’m sorry you’ve had a rough life, but don’t take it out on me. I’m not your punching bag and I’m not your therapist. Believe it or not, I’ve been through some shitty things, too, but I don’t spend all of my time moping around about them. I’ve moved on with my life, and you should do the same.

8. I can be an asshole, too.

If you ever try to contact me again, you’re going to find out how nasty I can be. You’ve heard that saying about a woman scorned, haven’t you? It means I won’t hold back. So I’d keep my distance if I were you.

9. It’s time to drop the act.

If you’re an asshole, be honest about it from the start. Don’t tiptoe around your sleaziness, acting like you want a relationship when you’re only interested in sex. If you would’ve told me what you wanted from day one, there’d be one less broken heart in the world. Thanks for that.

10. You’re missing out.

You don’t know how good you had it with me. Eventually, when you decide to settle down and have trouble finding a decent girl, you’ll realize it. But by then, it’ll be too late. In fact, it’s already too late, because I’ve already deleted you from my phone and I’m working on deleting you from my memory.