I’m Not The Girl Who Will Make Your Life Easy, But I Will Make It Worthwhile

1. I’m always clear about how I feel.

If you piss me off, I’m going to tell you exactly what you did that was wrong. But if you turn me on, I’m going to go into extreme detail about where I want you to touch me and what I want to do to your penis. But if you can’t handle me when I’m nagging you to death, you don’t deserve my sexts.

2. I’m not the best girlfriend.

Unfortunately, I tend to say the wrong things at the wrong time. I won’t always know how to comfort you when you’re upset or how to apologize to you after a fight. But if you can look past the words I’m saying and look into the depths of my soul, you’ll see that I’m trying my best. I’m doing all I can to make you happy.

3. I won’t hold back my crazy.

If a show kills off my favorite character, I’ll cry about it for days. If my favorite baseball team loses, I’ll throw curses at the ref through the television. I can be a little crazy, because I’m passionate about the things I love. But lucky for you, that means I’ll be crazy in the bedroom, too. Your kinkiest fantasies will become a reality.

4. I have high standards I expect you to reach.

That means I’m not going to like it if you leave without telling me where you’re going or text another girl behind my back. In fact, it might be grounds for a breakup. If that sounds harsh, then you can hit the road. But believe me, my high standards go both ways. I’ll hold myself to the same level that I hold you, which is why I’ll treat you like a prince as long as I’m your princess.

5. I won’t inflate your ego.

I won’t laugh at your jokes if they aren’t funny. I won’t tell you that you’re making a good decision when you’re making the wrong one. I’m going to be brutally honest with you. It might be hard to hear, but I’m trying to help you create the life I know you deserve. If I go easy on you, you’ll never reach your full potential.

6. I take forever to get ready.

Yes, I’m the stereotypical woman who spends an hour in front of the mirror. I won’t apologize for taking pride in my appearance, and you shouldn’t want me to, because it means that you’ll get to see me in fishnets and thongs on a daily basis. You should be happy about it.

7. I have hot male friends.

I won’t use them to try to make you jealous. If I’m texting them, it’s because I have something to say to them. I’m going to respect your wishes as best as I can, but I’m not going to drop all of my friends for my boyfriend’s benefit. On the plus side, you can have all the female friends you’d like.

8. I can be pushy.

If I want to take a trip to Disney, I won’t shut up about it until it happens. But you know what that means? That we’re eventually going to go to Disney together. If that’s not a perk of dating me, then I don’t know what is.

9. I have trouble making decisions.

If you ask me what restaurant I want to go to, it’s going to be an hour before I come up with options for us, and I won’t even be happy with any of them. Dealing with my fickle attitude can be frustrating. Of course, that means you’ll always get to choose where you want to eat.

10. I alternate between loving and hating myself.

I’m either going to make self-deprecating jokes about how much I hate myself or I’m going to brag about how sexy I am. There is no in between. I’m still working on finding myself, and I want a man who understands that. No, I want a man who loves that.