10 Things I Am Thankful For From The One Who Loved Me First

We all look forward to being in love for the first time. Sometimes it is disappointing, and sometimes, like in my case, it is unforgettable. Green eyes, black hair, biceps for days, and a heart of gold; I could not have prayed for a better first love. It ended too quickly, but it was amazing while it lasted. Here are just a few things I never got to say thank you for:

Thank you for making me see myself as beautiful.

High school is a tough time for a young girl’s self-esteem. I was just coming out of my ugly middle school phase. I didn’t believe any boy would ever see me as beautiful. But you did. You were the first to tell me I am beautiful. It gave me a confidence that I still carry with me to this day.

Thank you for butterflies.

You are the only boy who ever really gave me butterflies. Every time you would call me, I would panic because I wanted so badly to talk to you, but I was terrified I wouldn’t know what to say. I lost about ten pounds that summer because the butterflies kept my appetite so crazy.

Thank you for innocence.

We were both so innocent. There was no rush. There were no impure intentions. There was no pressure. We took our time getting to know each other. Which leads me to….

Thank you for teaching me the difference between love and lust.

After you, there came a long line of boys. Some of them really liked me, and some of them only wanted one thing. Sometimes it was hard to tell which ones were going to be worth my time. I would often find myself thinking back to you. Like, “What would A have done in this situation? He certainly wouldn’t be pressuring me to do something I wasn’t ready for. This guy must not really care about me.”

Thank you for setting the bar so high.

At first, I hated this about you. It seemed like every guy I went out with came up short in comparison with you. For ten years, I struggled with that, wondering if I was ever going to meet a man that treated me as good as or better than you did. In case you were curious, I finally found one, and I married him. You were like God’s way of teaching me not to settle.

Thank you for my first kiss.

I had a crush on you for two agonizing years before we finally got together. I had dreamed about kissing you forever. And when it finally happened, it was nothing like I had imagined. The first time, you waited too long and I had turned my head so you kissed my ear. We laughed about for at least half an hour before you tried again and finally got it right.

Thank you for giving me arguably the best summer of my life.

You know the old song “Summer of ‘69”? If I could write my own version of that song, it would be titled “Summer of ’06.” It was the summer before we turned 16. We used to meet in the woods between our houses for picnics. We shared a magical beach trip. We spent several nights laying in my driveway looking at the stars. Those are all memories of a summer I will never forget.

Thank you for being my best friend.

We were best friends long before we fell in love. We could talk about anything. We wrote love notes during school and spent hours on the phone every night. That was the best. Even after we broke up, we kept in touch for years to follow. You will never know how much that meant to me.

Thank you for the memories.

I know we had our bad times too. Sometimes we fought like cats and dogs. We were constantly challenging each other. But that’s not what I remember. I remember carving our names into the trees behind your house. I remember when you brought me roses on my birthday. I remember how warm your hands were even on the coldest days. I remember being intoxicated by your cologne. I remember how soft the skin on your shoulders feels. I suppose it was my brain’s defense mechanism after we broke up, but nevertheless, I only remember the good times.

And lastly….

Thank you for letting me go.

It took almost ten years, but we finally got closure on our relationship. I didn’t have the strength to cut the cord with you. But I’m so thankful that you had the will power to do it for me. It was time for us to go our separate ways once and for all. Know that I think about you often, but only in my fondest memories. I wish you all the love and joy and happiness that you deserve. And I pray that someday you’ll find whatever it is that your heart desires.