I Know You’re Bad For Me, So Why Do I Still Want You?
a part of me thinks you're the only person who sees me, really sees me, because you know what I was like before I became broken
we are broken up – firmly, completely, with no room for gray
but when I get lonely I want you and only you
when I can’t sleep
when I drink a little too much
when I’m sad
when I’m restless
when I feel helpless
a part of me thinks you’re the only person who sees me, really sees me, because you know what I was like before I became broken
you know my inner, secret mess and how hard I work to conceal it
you know how scared I am of my own potential power, of myself
you’re the opposite of the things I insist I need, and yet, the years go by and we keep coming back to each other
it’s toxic
it’s bad
we are smarter than this
we are above this
but we keep doing it
we’ll go months without contact and then somehow we always creep back
because we are weak
because we are bored
because we are too invested in our own stuff to build something with someone the way we have with each other
or because maybe we are just too tired to try
I will never be able to have coffee with you because we both know it’s never just coffee
it could never just be coffee with you
we have to let each other go. For real.
firmly, completely. With no room for gray.
it’s unfair to me
it’s unfair to you
it’s unfair to the future relationships that we continue to put off and put off and put off
we are better now than we were then
we have learned, from everything
and we deserve better than each other
in both the people that we once were and the cheap, demented iteration of a relationship we have now
you know I’m bad for you
I know you’re bad for me
so why do I still want you? 
