Read This Carefully: My Relationship Seems Too Good To Be True… Because It Is

People are always coming up to us in public just to let us know how cute May and I are. You’d think we were like one of those celebrity couples that magazines follow. May thinks it’s just our natural chemistry that attracts people, but I’m pretty sure the real attention is all on her. She has such a unique way with people, I can attest to that.

Like a lot of relationships, ours started pretty unexpectedly after she had spilled a drink on me at a bar. We flirted after a few apologies, she brought me a drink to make up for it, and just like that we started hitting it off. Took her home with me that night but realized she wasn’t just a one-night stand when I wanted to see her again so badly the next day. We went out for a couple more dates that week and each time we did I fell a little more in love with her. Wasn’t even two weeks later and we were an item.

Early months in my relationship with May were rough, on account I had to travel a lot for work. She’d get so adorably clingy every time I’d leave, calling every couple hours just to hear my voice. We even exchanged letters. I know, so corny, but I didn’t mind at all – it was cute.

Although my job at the time did pay well and was something I greatly enjoyed, I found myself wanting to spend more and more time around my beautiful girlfriend. I quit about six months into the relationship for a more steady job and May moved into my place not long after. I still remember those days where she walked through the door with all her things and just started redecorating everything, taking down the stuff I had put on the walls and putting up things she had brought with her. Hilarious!

Soon enough, we were a year in with each other and getting very serious. The time had come for me to meet the little lady’s family, all the way across the country. We flew to where May had grown up – in an odd little trailer park. There she introduced me to her mother, aunt, grandmother, and sisters who all lived there together. All of them just fawned over me. I had asked them if there were any other guys besides me around and they just laughed – guess it was a pretty silly question!

“Easily your best catch, May,” I remember her mother saying proudly. The whole time May was just beaming and clutching my arm tight as if I was some carnival prize she had won. We had a ton of fun out there with her family. There was a bonfire that we danced around, we chanted strange songs they all knew, ate all sorts of food they had prepared for us, and I even got to watch a whole bunch of strange but enjoyable activities that the women did. I was having so much fun, I wasn’t even mad when they took some of my blood. Said they needed it for some cooking help. Hey, I wasn’t gonna judge. I was too busy having a great time!

However, as enjoyable as the trip was, it eventually had to end. When we got back home, I was starting to feel a little off. Something was different. It was like something inside me was waking up, and for whatever reason, I broke up with May not long after and moved out of the apartment. She was devastated, thought I was just being uptight and kept trying to get me to have a drink with her to calm my nerves. But I didn’t listen to my poor lover, and just walked right out the door.

Eleven months passed by, and I had been dating this other girl, Sharon, when May started texting me again. Said she was so upset about how we had left things, and that she wanted some time to sit down with me and get some closure. I figured why not, so we met at a little coffee shop. There she was, sitting there, more beautiful than ever, with a cup of my favorite flavored coffee waiting for me. We talked and drank and I don’t know what came over me, but as soon as I finished my coffee, I had to have her right then and there. We had amazing sex in my car and when we were done she kissed me and told me how happy she was that she had me back again.

Like the angel she is, she pointed out that I was still dating someone else. She asked me if I truly loved Sharon. I told her no, of course not! So she told me she’d get rid of her for me. May’s always been such a jealous girl, but this was different. We went to Sharon’s house together late that night. May, that little miracle-worker, whispered a few words into a sleeping Sharon’s ear. She screamed and burst into flame as May and I turned and ran out of the house. Sharon and her entire building were nothing but smoke and rubble by dawn. Easiest breakup of my life, thanks to May. I told you my woman has a unique way with people! Quite the tongue on her.

Past memories came rushing back to me as I moved back into the old apartment that night. All the time we had spent together doing May’s hobbies, watching her favorite shows, taking her out to her favorite places. And how in love with me she had been! Sharon was never like that. How could I have spent so much time with anyone other than May? I wondered this as I got into the barred room May had set up for me to sleep in. Pictures of us hung on the walls in a beautifully-made shrine to our relationship, illuminated by candles. I felt right at home as she pulled the door shut and stared at me through the bars until I fell fast asleep.

Man, thinking back to those early days really gets me emotional. All those VERY FIRST LETTERS we had sent to each other when we were feeling alone. I remember each one of them, down to EVERY PARAGRAPH. This is the first thing I’ve written in a long while since I got my laptop-privileges back (May caught me liking a girl’s Facebook status a few months back, not proud of it, but it happened), so of course it had to be about my love.

Especially now that we have a kid on the way! It looks like we’ll be together forever. Only troubling thing is that strange feeling I had when I first broke up with May has been coming around again. I told her and she says she’s been cooking up something new that’ll make that feeling go away forever. I’m such a lucky guy. That’s why I wrote this to share with all of you. If you’re reading it, you should read it very, very carefully. You know? Maybe you’ll pick up some tips on how to be as perfect a couple as us.