Please Text Me Back

46 minutes. I texted you 46 minutes ago, and you still haven’t replied. Maybe I should call you, but I know you’re at work. You’re just busy, but maybe something happened. You’re probably just focused on your work, or driving to lunch. But what if you’re not? Your phone is probably just dead. But what if it’s more than that? I text you at least once an hour. If you don’t text back within that hour, I start to panic. My heart races, my palms start to sweat, my thoughts race and my breath shortens. I have been conditioned to respond this way. I don’t want to, nor do I like to, react this way simply because I haven’t heard from you in 46 minutes. But a lot can happen in 46 minutes. A lot has happened in a lot less.

When I was 18, I fell in love. not the same kind of love that I have with you, but it was still love. It was immature, confused, toxic love, but it was love. I was so infatuated with this person. I spent every second of every day thinking about when I would see him again, we spent endless hours talking and planning for our future. It was truly my first love. It was the worst relationship that I have ever had. But, I didn’t care. I loved him, and I thought he loved me. I spent over two years off and on with this first love. He struggled with drugs, and rehab, and loss, and pain. But, I was there through it all. I never once left his side and I told him that we could make it through anything. Then one day, he told me he loved me, and said that we would see each other tomorrow. Then I never heard from him again. I never saw him again, not a call, not a text, nothing. I spent two years of my life building this love for this person, and it was all gone. One second, everything was fine, and the next it wasn’t. Without a trace, I had to cope with the loss of someone who chose to leave me with nothing.

Two years later, I went to dinner with my best friend. We went to dinner often, but this time was different. I had just worked a 70 hour week, I was exhausted, and I was falling asleep in my fried rice. He took me home, and asked to hang out and watch a movie. I told him that I was too tired, but I would see him tomorrow. He said that he was making a quick trip but would be back the next night. We said goodbye and I went to bed. The next day, after work, he called to let me know that he was on his way back. He said that he was tired and needed me to talk to him while he was driving. I told him that I was busy and would call him back later and talk to him. I was at some house with people I didn’t even like, and I disregarded him because I thought he would be fine. He wasn’t. Less than an hour after we hung up, he fell asleep at the wheel, and his car slammed headfirst into a semi-truck. His vehicle exploded on impact. And just like that, the best friend I have ever had was wiped off the face of the planet. The 6 year long friendship that became so much more than just a friendship, was over.

46 minutes. I texted you 46 minutes ago, and you still haven’t replied. Maybe I should call you, but I know you’re at work. You’re just busy, but maybe something happened. You’re probably just focused on your work, or driving to lunch. But what if you’re not? Your phone is probably just dead. But what if it’s more than that? I text you at least once an hour. If you don’t text back within that hour, I start to panic. My heart races, my palms start to sweat, my thoughts race and my breath shortens. What if you got into an accident on your way to lunch? What if you hurt yourself at work? What if you decided that you don’t love me anymore, and I’m never going to hear from you again? I have been conditioned to respond this way. I don’t want to, nor do I like to, react this way simply because I haven’t heard from you in 46 minutes. But a lot can happen in 46 minutes. A lot has happened in a lot less.

So please, just text me back.