30 Daily Affirmations, The 20-Something Edition

1. I am the architect of my fridge; I and I alone choose its contents.

2. My WiFi connection is stronger than ever.

3. My body is at its peak; my mind is too; my soul is questionable and the first two are kinda depressing me. Is this really all there is?

4. I am superior to thinking and acting like basic bitch.

5. I have been given endless talents but I prefer perusing Netflix.

6. I forgive those professors who have harmed my GPA.

7. A river of vodka washes away my anger and replaces it with love.

8. I am guided in my every step by celebrities who lead me towards products I must buy.

9. My marriage board on Pinterest is becoming stronger, deeper, and more stable each day.

10. I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful. Theoretically.

11. My butt is growing, expanding and thriving thanks to all the fro-yo I’ve been eating.

12. Adderall surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.

13. Happiness is a choice. I base my happiness on how many people I can get to listen about how my time abroad changed me.

14. My ability to conquer drinking challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed at beer pong is infinite.

15. I deserve to be employed and paid well for my time, efforts and ideas. But meanwhile, I’ll do anything for an unpaid internship in the right field.

16. I am courageous and stand up for social justice via my Facebook profile picture.

17. I am always finding new ways to avoid washing my hair for another day.

18. Today, I abandon my old hookup and take up new, more attractive ones.

19. Many people look up to me and recognize my social media presence; I am admired.

20. I am #blessed with an incredible #family and #friends.

21. I acknowledge my own Vine popularity; my confidence is soaring.

22. Everything that is happening now is happening for my ultimate good.

23. I am acting like I’m powerhouse; I am acting like I’m indestructible.

24. Though these times are difficult, I am pretending they are the best times of my life (in case anyone asks).

25. My future is an ideal projection of what I envision now but it’s also seriously making me panic, can we not talk about that?

26. The perfect brunch table will open up before me, better than I ever imagined.

27. I’m at peace with all the TV shows I haven’t caught up on.

28. Today, I am brimming with alcohol left over from yesterday.

29. I decide my Internet quiz results.

30. My thoughts are filled with surface level knowledge of the World Cup so I can have an excuse to day drink.