32 Signs You Are A Mainstream College Girl

1. You own at least two Apple products. Then give yourself an extra point if they have a cute, but wholly impractical case.

2. Did you wear brown/tan/camel colored boots this autumn with a faux-flannel shirt? Atta girl, give yourself a point!

3. You enjoy seasonal flavors a little too much. No? What date did Peppermint Mocha come back to Starbucks? (See?)

4. You’ve never met a “literally,” “swear to god,” “but actually,” or “wait… seriously?” that you couldn’t misuse.

5. College game day is “the best.” You thoroughly enjoy wearing skimpy incarnations of your school’s active wear on a regular basis too, though.

6. Random person made eye contact in that coffee shop? Strike up a conversation! Now you have to go? Better say goodbye and wish them luck studying/on their screenplay/whatever else you’ve learned about them in your time together. You just can’t help but make friends wherever you go!

7. Despite the fact that you are taking full advantage of going out and being 20-whatever, you’ve reached a Malcolm Gladwell-approved, 10,000-hour-level of expertise on complaining about how boys don’t like you/ asking “whyyyy don’t I have a boyfriend??”

8. Speaking of which, any word can have as many letters as it wwwwaaaannnntttss.

9. Most everyone is “mah gurl” to you. Or some other weird nickname. Unless they’re the enemy. Then they are usually a “psycho” – y’know, with a few other not-so-nice words tacked on.

10. There’s no better way to end a group project meet-up then with an announcement that you’re going to go on a run/workout and that you’ll email your part later. Emphasize the run. You’re active. You’re fit.

11. You love to greet other girls your age with “Ugh. I look gross.” Camaraderie achieved.

12. Emojis and exclamation points are of the utmost importance.

13. Salads and sushi all day, baby.

14. Leggings and yoga pants, too. Don’t forget name brand tennis shoes! Is it finals week? PUT ON A BASEBALL CAP AND QUARTER ZIP, THIS IS THE BIG LEAGUES.

15. You never greet a fellow mainstream college lady with anything less than a squeal that outdoes dolphins during mating season and one of those hugs where you rock each other back and forth. You two are a crazy pair of besties and you need to like, stopppp, lol.

16. You snapchat people your “ugly” face (that is prettier than most people’s face-face.) Get your “double chin” on. Unless it’s to a boy — in that case, pull out your ducklips.

17. You love one sport. Just one. And use it to talk to boys. You should like the rest. But you have to be a “baseball girl” with your whole heart. And it’s because of your daddy, right? Don’t forget that.

18. Don’t forget to give yourself a point if you’ve had to tug down your denim shorts to cover a greater portion of your ass today.

19. Your hair is currently straight and glossy until the lovely 1.5” barrel curls at the bottom that make it bouncy and fun! Stop it!

20. You watched the VS Fashion Show. Add a point for every current Angel you can name.

21. You own at least one Vera Bradley and/or Louis Vuitton key chain wallet.

22. Your costume party game is on point. You’ve been a slutty nerd, a slutty schoolgirl, a slutty Dr. Seuss character, a slutty Disney Princess, and a slutty fast food item just this week alone!

23. You know the whole Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song, and are working on memorizing all the words to the latest Kanye/Jay-Z song as we speak.

24. You are working your way up to being able to do an [insert number of minutes here] plank as we speak.

25. You’ve considered getting a Communication major. Or Psychology. Or a French minor.

26. You’re planning on trying/have tried the Paleo diet. Or veganism.

27. In that same vein, you frequently declare your love for fruit. And how you could eat “soooo much/many” watermelon/strawberries/mangos.

28. For the past few months/semesters/years, you’ve been “so over” frat parties/going out/getting drunk. But you do it every week anyway. Because “it’s college.”

29. You constantly justify your actions and the actions of those around you with that very motto. “It’s college!”

30. You can’t even/are so over it/are literally dying right now.

31. Check your wrist. Is there a tasteful tattoo there? Nope? Make sure to check your neck, lower hip, and rib cage. While you’re at it, notice that cartilage piercing.

32. This list outrages you cause it’s so unfair and everyone needs to stop being so basic.**

1-9 Points: Who are you? We don’t know. You could be the homeless man sleeping outside the parking garage who somehow has an iPhone. Maybe you’re a businessman trying to connect with his college-aged daughter. You’re a gender studies professor looking to write a scathing review of womyn today. Who knows?! You’re reading this for some reason. And I like it. Get outcha shell, girl! Go ahead!

10-18 Points: You little hipster. You’re probably in college and a girl and you’re trying your damndest to stand out and be different. That’s a guess. I don’t know your life!!

19-26 Points: Most likely to get pissy about this list, if my calculations are correct. You identify with enough of the points to have clicked on this article and have graded yourself. Buuuut you find a few of these offensive oversimplifications/generalizations. Ugh. The world will never understand you. (Our bad!)

26+ Points: You’re a walking mainstream college girl stereotype. This list was written with you in mind. You wrote this list??? You’re sharing this on your Facebook with other mainstream college girls. You’ve embraced this identity. You’re the overuse of the word “like” in human form. Jam out with your clam out lady friend!

*This list should outrage you. It’s utterly ridiculous.
** This list should in no way outrage you. It’s utterly ridiculous. Plus the author herself has at least 20 points (if she’s lying about how many VS angels she knows).