Georgia Wisdom

Friends with Benefits are like sexual test kitchens, and tonight you are Ina Garten.

Date a man in his late 30s because guys your age just can’t “get it together” and you need an “actual man.”

Pick up some items, including a few things you would never try on anywhere else. Whatever, these high-waisted zebra print pants are 16 bucks, and no one you know is here to judge. You only live once, right?

You receive a phone call from one of my friends. There’s been a terrible car accident/earthquake/fire and the doctors aren’t sure if I’ll live through the night. Overcome with emotion, you leave your very important meeting and rush to my bedside. Maybe I’m in a coma, or maybe I just have a single sexy scratch on my cheek. It depends on how I’m feeling that day.

You don’t ever ask for a channel change, or anything that requires someone to go slightly out of his or her way. You grin and complain about it under your breath. If you must ask someone for a favor, make sure to pad it with a few apologies (or sore-ys).

If I spot one of these clipboard toters from far enough away I’ll cross the street and walk on the other side. But if it’s too late to cross or turn around without looking suspicious, I’ll pull out my iPhone and fiddle around with it while furrowing my brow, ya know, because I’m so busy.

Starbucks is basically made for public meltdowns. People will leave you alone and it gives you the chance to sit in a warm place for a long period of time. Plus, the last time this happened, a stranger gave me a cake pop.