I Will Burn Again But Not For You

The night has fallen over our hearts,

“c’est fini” lighting up the dark that has blinded us for months, You look at me with questions in a language that’s not wired in my brain.

And my hands shake because I cannot reach for you again,
Because being near you burns, a warmth spreads through my skin
lighting me up in a bright orange, combusting my particles until there is nothing left of me.

But I can’t help but want to be turned to ashes by your skin.

So we stand there in silence,
Our hearts pumping doubt into the veins
that go through our system,
metabolizing all this hurt and all this confusion,
spreading it like an infection.

An inevitable “why?” is written in my eyes,
But I am always too afraid of the answer.

Of liking it too much.

Of thinking it too much.

And you know how much I hate underestimating myself.

And all my mistakes surround us like fireflies in the air,
mixing up with yours,
until they are one hoard of guilt that look like the starts that light up at night.

They won’t let us converge.

The door closes on all the “What if”s
and “maybe”s that our souls created,
That future ending on a one way road we won’t be taking.

So with my shaking hands I wave a goodbye,
our souls deciding on different paths
And with every step I take into the darkness,
I can feel my heartbeat reduce to a normal pace.

I am not burning anymore,

I am not shaking anymore,

I am not longer a bright ignited orange,
but instead a calm blue wave has taken over my system
returning me to the peace I had found before.

I will combust again,
after I pick up every shard of broken glass your punches left behind
and decide what kind of Lux Nova I want to be this time.

I will combust again,
but the eyes that will set me on fire won’t look like heaven has been brought to earth
and made into gems that follow my every step.

I will burn again,

I am sure,

but not for you.