10 Ways You Won’t Realize How Strong Your Relationship Is Until After You Have Kids

1. There’s no time (or desire) for petty drama

When you have a kid your world opens up. Life becomes so much bigger than the little things that used to annoy you about each other. Having a baby puts things in perspective: there are so much bigger, badder things to worry about and all the things that used to take up space in your brain seem trivial now.

2. You both become more selfless

Your personality fundamentally shifts when you have a kid, your life no longer revolves around you but this little life that you’ve created. You are no longer the most important person in your life. You sacrifice sleep, money, and a lot of superficial things you somehow used to spend a lot of time caring about.

3. You’re each other’s support system

Before you have a kid, your relationship is like a ship that’s never been out of the harbor. Sure, you support each other then — but you haven’t really been tested. When you have a kid, you lean on each other as you figure out this insane challenge that no amount of reading or talking to other parents could have prepared you for.

4. You have to consciously choose to prioritize each other

It’s easy to keep a relationship going when you have plenty of free time to go on dates and hang out with each other in a stress-free environment. It’s almost the default that you’re healthy. When you’re parents, you have to consciously choose to prioritize each other. You can’t just walk out the door and decide to have a dinner date, you have to plan ahead and put effort into continuing to court each other.

5. You’ll feel closer

There’s not a lot of mystery left in a relationship after pregnancy, labor, and raising a newborn. And that’s a good thing. You’re a tighter duo because you’ve seen and done so much stuff that isn’t a part of just dating. You’ve seen each other at your worst at this point, and you love and accept that worst version of each other.

6. You’re not afraid to fight

You may be able to walk on eggshells before a kid but things get real after. You’re forced to get good at fighting because you don’t have the luxury of time. When you’re disagreeing about something, you have very little time to figure out what the issue is and how you should move forward. You become experts by necessity.

7. You realize how incredibly important it is to have someone on your team

You look around and wonder how anyone could do this on their own. It’s not just the divvying up of chores — it’s the emotional support of knowing you’re in this together. No matter how bad your day is, you have someone on the sidelines, cheering you on and going through it all with you.

8. You see how adept your partner is

You rely on them more than ever — and for good reason. You get to witness every day how they can pick up the odds and ends of your life (just like you do for them) and co-parent a chaotic little being. There’s a new level of trust and admiration that comes from knowing you can comfortably pass the baton.

9. Your inside jokes are next level

You haven’t been able to laugh at yourself until you’ve been able to laugh at yourself covered in your kid’s body fluids.

10. You’re bonded together forever

You’re a family now, and it’s bigger than just the two of you. No matter what happens, you know there is a bond between the two of you that will never end. You’ve created life together, and there’s a whole new kind of future ahead.