An Open Letter To The New Victim

I want to start by emphasizing how wonderful I think you are. I knew you before I knew him and what he was all about, and while I used to envy you, I now think of you as a good friend and a good woman.

He fooled me like no one ever has before. He got me when I was at my prime confidence and through that charm that I know you’re familiar with, he slowly dragged me down to the depths of insecurity that he suffers from on the daily.

He does not like me. He never liked me. So whatever he might say to you about me, please do not be jealous of me because it’s all fake. I used to be jealous of every other woman he so subtly compared me to, until I realized that none of these women will ever “win” him and they shouldn’t want to.

Of course, he probably has also convinced you that I’m crazy. I know because he convinced me that the girls before me were crazy and of course I felt so bad for this poor handsome victim, and simultaneously determined to prove that I’m different. Familiar?

He convinced me I was the special snowflake. The woman to end all women. I ignored every red flag. And I know we’re both smart women – we should know any compliment at the expense of every other woman is not a compliment but rather an uninvited competition.

I don’t want to compete with you. I want us both to win and to beat the insecurity that he so skillfully installed. If you don’t know what I’m talking about yet, you will soon, and I hope you realize how much respect I have always had for you and that I never wanted you to feel this hurt that I suffered myself.

I can’t warn you though because first of all you won’t listen to me now while it’s still too good to be true, and second because I’m sure he has been successful in convincing you that I’m really quite terrible. Boys are funny that way aren’t they? All of us girls are on the same team until they get a hold of those puppet strings and start flexing their magical ways.

Cut the strings he uses to tug on your emotions. I know you’re smarter than him and more compassionate. It took me a lot of people and time to convince myself the same, and I hope you can pull yourself out of his toxic grasp too. I hope maybe one day, you will reach out to me too, or even the next girl, to provide the same comfort. I would never wish this upon you because I know how awful it feels when he made you feel so so special and now he treats you like gum on the bottom of his shoe.

I can honestly and wholeheartedly tell you, it’s not you, it’s him.