Eric Redding

In 2006, Christopher Porco of Bethlehem, New York was convicted of murdering his father with a fireman’s axe and attempting to murder his mother in the same manner. He was sentenced to fifty years in prison.

“Sex with a prostitute is just sex. Sex with a non-prostitute tends to come with baggage. If all you want is sex, then it makes sense to not have to carry the baggage, great or small, that a non-prostitute entails.”

“I saw the ‘white light’ but it was a white party in a big room on a beautiful day and as I was trying to walk to the doors something kept pulling my hand. When I looked it was a 6-8 year old beautiful little girl…”

“He’s got about 5 years before he hits the average age of first assault. I couldn’t have reported him, he wasn’t doing anything illegal and I didn’t have enough info on him. He was careful not to give me any traceable information.”

“If you spot a little girl roaming the hallways or outside the building, take note of her appearance. Check for an unusual amount of canine teeth. The Pest has hundreds of teeth.”

“People say euthanizing is illegal for humans in the U.S. but as a nurse…I have killed people.”

This is serious SMDH territory.

Get in here and relive your childhood trauma!

“Bud Light is a pair of cargo shorts in alcoholic form.”

If you want to go from being a nice guy to being a good guy, you have to push past this idea that “getting the girl” will solve everything.

A roommate I had in college was a strange guy. This guy came from the other side of the country (I’m US). He went out at all hours of the night, never showed up for class, slept during the day, and drank more energy drinks than is healthy. His parents were worried about him, apparently, and hired a PI to trail him.

There are some things even eye bleach can’t fix.

Your own dating life is about to look a whole lot better.

“They’re ancient people. They’re ah…they’re dying, it’s past their time or age. They’re looking for ah…a way to survive and they just can’t.”

“Nurse here. Retired after 27 years on the job. The number of American 20-somethings that don’t know if they’re circumcised or not is surprisingly high.”

This is almost exactly as awful as you’re thinking it might be.

“A guy told me once that I was ’80’s hot.’ That definitely put some pep in my step since I love the ’80s and I’m very sad that I missed them.”

“There’s a lady…. she killed the kids…. they have to stay in the woods now.”