1. Does he have a picture?

YES – Go to question 2

NO – Creeeeeepy.

2. Is he showing a face?

YES – Go to question 3

NO – Don’t waste your time. #aintnobodygottimeforthat

3. Is he fully clothed?

YES – Go to question 4

NO – Go to question 5

4. Is he looking for dates/relationships?

YES – Go to question 6

NO – This one’s a bit obvious.

5. Is he looking for chat/friends?

YES – Yeah, don’t kid yourself.

NO – Go to question 6

6. Does he have a description?

YES – Go to question 7

NO – Don’t waste your time with a guy who doesn’t make it clear what he wants, hook-up or not.

7. Is his description void of anything sexually explicit/implicit?

YES – Go to question 8

NO – I highly doubt he’s THAT big. PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.

8. Did he respond to your message?

YES – Go to question 9

NO – Not interested, and most likely just wanted to bang. It’s a meat market, after all.

9. Was his response “hey”, “hi”, “what’s up”, “you looking”?

YES – Oooh, sorry bro.

NO – Go to question 10

10. Did you actually sustain a conversation that was completely void of talk about sex?

YES – Go to question 11

NO – Hahaha, so you’re telling me he said WHAT again??

11. Does he continue pestering you after your conversation ends?

YES – Stop. #CLINGYALERT

NO – Go to question 12

12. Does he message you again at a non-late, pre-midnight time of the day?

YES – Go to question 13

NO – He’s definitely just looking to bang past midnight. Trust me.

13. Were phone numbers exchanged?

YES – Go to question 14

NO – Bummer! Guess the feels weren’t mutual!

14. Does he sound very non-creepy to you on the phone and makes you feel comfortable? (Yes, you should have at least ONE phone conversation before you actually meet the guy)

YES – Go to question 15

NO – IGNORE FURTHER CALLS/TEXTS FROM HIM.

15. Have you been communicating on the phone for longer than a week and genuinely enjoying the talks?

YES – ASK HIM OUT. TOTES worth a try if you made it this far! Congrats!

NO – Talk to him for a bit longer and speculate intentions. If you’re not really feeling it, friendzone him, ignore his texts, or gradually begin to seem disinterested in what he says.