Emma Golden

It was a day just like any other.

Dear my new shower, I love you. No, really. I love you. And I’ve never said that to any other shower before – I swear.

I live alone. Correction: I’m a lady who lives alone. Because of these facts, I do some pretty weird things since no one is around to judge me except for my mirrors and own ego. For example, I sing.

Too many times to count I’ve thought to myself “I wonder what it would be like to have a penis for a day. No, a week. Make that a week.

On Friday evening, around 8:30, I received an email from the VP of Customer Experience at Nordstrom. The email read: Dear Emma- My name is Fanya Chandler and I wanted to introduce myself.

Before Britney Spears married Kevin Federline, shaved her head and attacked a car with an umbrella, she did one thing right.

In summation, I’ve “officially” dated three guys since my epic ex.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a very long time. Years, in fact.